Managing Stress Series – Anger Management
Not being able to manage your anger is one of the biggest causes of marriage breakups and surprisingly enough being angry has many physical side effects as well. Research conducted by Duke University has shown that people who are chronically angry have up to 7 times more risk of dying from heart disease and cancer compared to people who are not. Now when we think of anger we think a person shouting, screaming, hitting or just going crazy is Anger but that is not true. A person can be angry inside but doesn’t reveal or channel their anger. Now the reality is that people who hold things in are more harmful to themselves and others as compared to ones to release it in any fashion. So you may be asking what’s the cure for anger?
The solution is simple and three steps; when angry ask yourself these questions.
1. How important is this issue?
2. Is my anger justified?
3. Can I do anything to fix the situation?
If you answer no to any of these questions then you leave it and relax. Now you must find a way to relax yourself. An activity such as sports, working out, a jog, a walk, going for coffee, reading Quran or listening to a lecture, anything that works for you and puts your mind at ease. If you find your answer to be all yes then you need to take assertive action and make it known why you are angry and let it out otherwise keeping it in will be more harmful for you and your partner.
Jazakillah khairan katsiir.. It comes in the right time..
i have 2 kids and can not find 5 min to relax .i get angry at any small thing and tell my self it’s not a big deal but it just dosn’t go away.it’s so bad that my head starts to hurt. i can not do any of the things u suggested to relax my kids just won’t let me. plz help.
@fulleema.. I don’t know how old your children are, but my children know that when it is time for salat(prayer) they must leave me alone. They are 8yrs. old. I have told them that I am talking to God and they have to be quiet. It takes about 2-4 min. for prayer, depending on what prayer and the surah I recite, but, this is a HUGE benefit for me. The act of putting my head to the floor relieves physical tension and the act of prayer is calming. Make dua at this time. Prayer serves many purposes sister. You will get a minimum of 15 minutes to just focus on Allah and remember…Allah listens to those who praise HIM. Inshallah you will find some peace in prayer and continue to the rest of your day. Jazek Allah kheir.
You need to realize that kids are a blessing from God, just think of it this way, what if you did not have kids and you tried everything and still no kids! Please be appreciative of them and love them unconditionally. The fact that they are young and playful should also make you even happier as this means that they are healthy and developing well. With that said, you still need time for yourself, i think you should develop a schedule for the kids in the evening such that they are pre-occupied with an activity, i.e. you could buy them a drawing board or writing board they learn to write, and after that activity you should put them to bed early so that you get time to relax. You could also ask your spouse to assist you in the evening because i know it can get hectic. My dear, dont get angry at your kids and keep it inside because you might hit out on them in a way you never expected and in the process harm them.
Nura
in this busy world humans are developing there living styles day by day and also the problems they are developing a lot…. like tension, pressure, angry etc etc… in order to over come these kinds of problem as per my view do meditation and yoga which are very good for health and u r mind will be so relaxed…..
well
what if your angry at someone you cant possibly talk with, becuase they’ll simply explode and cant face you
and talking to someone els will not cure you 100%,maybe you’ll feel better but looking for comfort will becom such a burdin when you have so much anger inside
To fulleema:
I had three children in three years and my third was born when I was only 20 years old, my husbend had nothing to do for them but work all day and come home to sleep
so
I did this
I learnd every single method I found on diceplyn and practised it right away..also I always turned to God(Allah) and asked him to make my children the best
after A while and Alot of pacience I got well behaved kids that people loved.. and I took A cource on diceplyn also.
now the three of them are teen’s and believe me its nicer to be looking for A quiate time then to be looking for something to do after they are grown and dont need much from you
I seriosly think of having more kids to give all my time and energy and love.
to fullema, assalamo alaikum,
If you are busy all the time with your kids,it shows you are a good mother mashaAllah. You care about your kids, love them and fear Allah. I know it’s not easy, I have 3 kids too. Allah swt will reward even for a second you spend fulfilling your duty insha Allah.
Kids copy and learn from their mother. If you show your frustration and anger believe me you’ll see the exact same behaviour towards you from your kids and you wont like it a bit.Also doing the nicest things in an angry, harsh and rude way will destroy them. You are mashaAllah fortunate to have healthy kids, and you are there to look after them. Mothers are forced and unwillingly they’ve to leave their beloved kids with a babysitter to go out and earn. Allah swt doesnot burden anybody beyond his capacity. Write these blessings down and read them daily and thank Allah swt because being thankful increases the blessings while being ungrateful(complaining) results in the decrease or lose of the blessings.
Make a list of things you want to do. Then choose the things that will take you closer to jannah, give these the priority. Do one thing at a time and put a check and feel happy at your accomplishment. Smile a lot,it’s also a sadaqah, pray hajjat and istakharah nafl, best time to make dua is tahajjud.
Every second of our life is a blessing. There are people dying this very second ,their book of records is closed, we still have time,make the most of it inshaAllah. Be thankful to Allah swt. All these things are also a reminder for me and all the readers inshaAllah. May Allah swt make things easy for you. Your sister Maleeha.
asalam o alikum
i am 30 year old mum of two kids got every thing in my life a women can dream about unless my own house my own space i m living with my in- laws . i don’t mind living with them but due to my own personality disorders and there harsh criticizem its going to b more difficult living day by day i am bit sensitive about few issues in my life and don’t get much help from my husband too who is a week person by him self i am living in complete miserable atmosphere where critisizm and back fighting is a routine criticizem for every little thing is making me more angry and ferestrated i am afraid tht i m often thinking about suicide but if it wasn’t HARAM I WOULD HV DONE IT I JUST NEED SOME ONE’S HELP to put the pieces of my life in right order i don’t have any friends here to share any thing please help me if u can
thanks
DEAR Saliha..
InshaAllah u will surely be rewarded for ur patience no harm even if it is a small thorn prick goes unrewarded with Allah..you are a great person who is doing jihad e nafs- the greatest jihad against the evil suggestions of our own heart like suicide..dear sister i pray to Allah His help reaches u through means u never imagined – and may it come real soon 🙂
I have read your comments, actuly every one present him/her slef as innocent, however the reailities is totly against it. I dont know either i am right or wrong but I am going to tell you what is happening with my self. I have no brother and have two sisters whose are living at their own residence, my parants are not alive adn we are living as independent family. as you thank nobody is weak but having certine social problems and thank hundred of thousand time before taking decision. You may give respect to every one and then you will see that every one will come towards you. please be patient and pry for the bstterness. If any of my word make you impatient I say sorry for that.
May Allah Bless you.
Saliha Atif, I know your pain. I too wanted to commit suicide once, but then I thought, Who will take care of my child? Then I felt that I would be doing a selfish act, by not thinking about my daughter. But If I did not have kids, I would have probably have given into committing suicide for real, I was close to slitting my wrist once, but decided enough is enough.
You have the right to move out from living with your in-laws and in Islam there is no compulsion for you to be doing everything your inlaws tell you to do or say. Please sister, I’m another muslim sister, please for your childrens sake, dont think suicidal thoughts.
There is a book I have found to help with self esteem, its called…
‘How to be the Happiest Woman in the World’. Here’s a link which shows the whole book in an online format, so you don’t even have to buy the book itself if u dont want to. http://www.dar-us-salam.com/inside/R49-HappiestWoman.pdf
May Allah guide you, If I could be infront of you right now, I would give you the biggest hug and say Don’t worry, Allah is always near you, when your crying or laughing, you remember him and he will never forget you, this website will help… http://arahamaniyoun.com/ZIKR.html.
Insha’Allah be strong and dont feel guilty, lifes too short and one day your kids will grow up, and then you will feel guilty for not enjoying the real quality time with them whilst they are young, because you’ve let your in laws control you. And when they learn that they can control your emotions (which by the way is quite a hard thing to do) then they will walk all over you like a door mat, sorry to be harsh.
Please sister, distract yourself from these issues and direct all your efforts in your children and Allah will make a way out for you Insha’Allah. Please Keep making du’aa for yourself, and this is to all who are reading these posts too, YOU guys are great muslims for encouraging and comforting each other. As muslims thats what we do, keep it Up..
Please remember me too,in your Dua’s, May Allah Ta’ala make everyones situation easier, Ameen.
Salaam,
I have 7 month old twins and me and my husband are constantly arguing.
I need more help from him but he works so hard. When i get stressed and angry i take i out on him and we end up fighting badly.
I need to find something to keep me calm.
Walikumsalam warahatullah,
May Allah make it easy for you ukhti and protect you.
Go back to Reciting quraan. That always help. Be in constant remembrance of Allah as your children and your husband are a blessing.