How to have a Happy Family

Below are some steps you can take to make your family life more relaxing and enjoyable. One thing to remember is that In family life its always the small steps that add up to big results.

Plan for Disciplining Children
The first issue that arises for parents is how to discipline the children. It is important that before having children or before your child is of the age for disciplining, that both parents discuss how they are going to discipline their children and agree with each other on it. Otherwise disagreements may occur between the spouses, perhaps even in front of the child if not settled upon before. Once this is done both parties will be unified in their approach and can save many future disagreements and tensions within the family.

Weekly Family Connection
Try to incorporate a weekly family activity into your schedule which will bring your family closer together. This will not only keep your family happy but will tremendously help you with your relationship with your spouse. Both parents love their children without a doubt and getting involved with their conversations can create a greater bond between them. The common interest for the well being of your family will always be there, and this can fill any voids in the relationship between husband and wife.

Family Meetings
A family meeting is essential for discussing family plans, planning for trips and activities, solving family problems, talking to other relatives and so on. Involving everyone in your family will help build a stronger bond and once everyone agrees on something it will make your plans much more enjoyable overall.

Put yourself first
It is very important to have a strong relationship with your spouse for a peaceful and happy household. Parents may think if they make their children happy, this will bring about happiness with the spouse as well. The actual case is the opposite: when the parents are happy, the children are happy. The most important factor they should focus on is to create a very strong bond with the other spouse, which will bring about love, appreciation, and happiness within a family.

Another issue is that when children see that they are the centre of attention they may become spoiled and self-centered which would create many negative psychological impacts on the child. When the opposite happens, and the child sees that they are not the first priority and that the parents are more important, this teaches the child patience, respect, sacrifice, improves their listening and communication skills, and contributes to many other positive traits. This doesn’t mean that you neglect the child but you need to strike a balance between paying attention to your child and focusing on your spouse for the overall welfare of your family. If the parents separate then the family is finished. Therefore it is important that even with children, not to forget each other’s needs and wants and increase in your efforts to keep each other happier.

Fathers Wanted
It is very important that both parents are involved in the upbringing of their children. It is a sad reality in our community that we expect the mother to do all the work when it comes to taking care of the kids and raising them. Recent studies show that an average father only spends about 2.5 hours with his child on a daily basis, which is quite embarrassingly low. In terms of sole attention by a working parent, the average sits at a paltry 19 minutes, and meaningful conversations only make up 47 seconds of a father’s time with his children! This is an issue that needs immediate attention. Children benefit tremendously from spending time with both parents: they learn different moral values, personalities, and emotional traits from both parents, therefore contributing to a better upbringing overall.

A story to make you realize the point I am trying to make; a father comes home and every day the child is asks him dad I want to play basketball with you today. The father replies I have to work. One day the child asks why do you work. The father responds that so I can make money. And then he goes away. One day his father returns from work and the kid gives him a box with coins in it. The father asks what is this box? He says this is money I collected over 2 months so now you can play with me and you don’t have to go to work. The father starts crying and realizes how he has neglected his own flesh and blood.

Perhaps we can look at the relationship of our own Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) with his daughter Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her).Whenever she used to visit him, he used to get up from his seat, go kiss her on the forehead, and then offer her his place where he was seated. This is the attention and children need from their fathers; indeed there is no better example for us to follow then our own Prophet (sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

The Dreaded Teenage Years
Many parents have nightmares about their children’s teenage years that might be just around the corner. A few things to keep in mind during this time: have faith in the way you brought up these children, the surroundings you have placed them in, and the foundation you have established in them already. The best way to tackle tricky teenage issues is to have a strong communication established with them from before, rather than leaving them in a position that they might rebel. You should listen to them and discuss with them your concerns as you would with any other adult; you can also put specific boundaries in place that are not to be crossed with specific consequences that they are aware of, and ultimately make them realize that they are young adults with responsibilities. And again, both parents should have a unified front on this matter and must agree on how they want to proceed before they approach their children.

Another strategy that has worked for many parents is to involve them in many positive activities so that their energy is channelled into something productive for them to even consider rebellion. This should be encouraged beforehand so that they join on their “own” before you start forcing it upon them.

The Successful Child
You just worry about being a successful parent and forget about making your child successful. You can only give the child all the necessary tools for the child to be successful but to be successful the child has to take that step themselves. You can mold them and train them within your house to build long lasting qualities that can lead towards success but let them take the final step themselves

Children not obeying?
First of all don’t panic; all children go through this phase at one stage or another. Many parents ignore this phase and think that the child will stop disobeying eventually, but the opposite can happen if not taken care of properly. The best way to tackle this problem is to set boundaries and consequences which the child is aware of; this shows them that you are boss and also teaches them discipline.

Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team