When the Ship is Sinking, Throw away the Extra Baggage
When your marriage is in trouble and you’re fighting to keep it from sinking, it’s time to throw away all the extra baggage that’s not helping. You need to be at your highest vigilance in using your intellect and tackle the problems within your marriage. Anything that is causing more issues or is not a helper needs to be thrown out. In these stressful times there is only a limited amount of energy and time, not to factor in all the stress and confusion the person is experiencing at this moment in their life. Following are a few factors you should consider when making a decision in what to throw to the side:
1. Throw away the “Right!”
In your marriage if you are bent on being right and your partner being wrong then this is the heaviest baggage and must be thrown overboard first. If you want to sink faster than you will keep on piling more into this bag every time you are right and your partner is wrong. Another victory for you and another loss for your marriage. That’s right, a win for you is and a loss for your marriage, not a loss for your partner. Think carefully on the objectives in your marriage, do you want a harmonious marriage or a Mr/Mrs Right? The choice is yours but this is by far the heaviest bag you carry in your marriage.
2. What do others say or think about you?
No marriage is perfect and when your marriage is in trouble, the last thing to worry about is what others think. Every marriage experiences ups and downs – the grass always looks greener on the other side. No marriage is perfect, and if others find out or suspect that you’re having problems, don’t let that concern you.
3. Preconceived notions of how you should react.
Always take it in stride and on a case by case basis. For example many would say that if my partner ever did this or that I will definitely do this. But at that moment in time it may be more harmful to you if you did what you said you would do. So throw away preconceived ideas on what you will do and never voice these preconceived notions to your partner or anyone else for that matter. This will just put extra pressure on you at the time when something does happen and you will feel that you must follow through.
4. “Control”.
You cant control everything in your life. You can plan as much as you want but life has a way of throwing spanners in the middle of things. Sometimes our perception of control is diluted as we think we are in control of many things but in fact we are not. Always remember that the only thing you can control is your own actions and decisions and everything else is out of your control. The only thing you have is an influence and that’s all.
5. “Done me wrong.”
You have been wronged and you can’t wait to tell everyone or at least someone how you have been wronged. You just want to be known as the good guy and want to have sympathy for your situation. Throw this bag away or you will lose the love of your partner and the marriage will fall apart faster. It won’t be long before you can tell your friends about the last day of the marriage. Be discrete in who you talk to and in what you say.
6. Handle everything on your own without outside help.
Use resources anywhere you can. Don’t think you are superman or wonder woman and you can fix everything in your own marriage. It just makes good sense to use resources that are available, such as counseling.
Assalam Alaikum,
It would be nice if you could use some Hadiths or Quran verses in the articles. That would be good particularly for da’wah. If a non-Muslim stumbles upon this site, he will KNOW or even be surprised that such values are embedded in the teachings of Islam.
Am not saying there is something wrong in the article, just that it seems generic and could have been on any other site. Good article, but would have been even much better, perhaps more useful to some people such as our brothers who believe that the husband is always right and wrongfully think that is according to Islam.
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point no. 3 & 5 r realy imp..not only in a marriage..but in general while dealing wd other relations as well..
Assalamu Alaikum,
Masha’Allah good advice. Also should add, materialism is a very real problem, recently it shocked me to hear an opinion that not having TV and Internet is causing upset. WHAT! Yes, it’s happening. We get so absorbed in the materials in life that we let it affect everything, even our judgement on the more important things, i.e. relationships.
And Tit-for-Tat, You’ve done something to me, so I HAVE to do something back. Then it becomes never ending! And a problem is compounded ten-fold.
May Allah guide us and keep us in good sense and strong imaan, Ameen.
these r golden advices though hadiths wil be nice to support them but Allah said in the quran ‘to ask those who know’Quran, 21:7 marriage is an insitution they longer u r in it the more experience u gain this cld be coming frm sum granny or any counsellor hold on to them they dnt go against islam
Salam alaikum
that was really good, jazakumallahu khairan for posting, plz keep up the good work
Assalamualikum,
The Holly Quran Can give all kind of solution This is why There is an Iyat In The Holly Quran That
” OYALA RATABIN OYALA YA BICIN ILLA FI KITABIM MUBIN”( Sura ANAM-59)
So There is a solution How to make a Happy Family, and all others solution.
So after knowing this Iyat if any one Gives his own opinion in Islamic site, It means he is changing islam with his own phylosophy.
Some islamic phylosopher told If you dont know the solution Go to the person Whom Allah said Alim or wise person by THE DEFINATION OF THE QUARAN.
Find Out That Person He konws the Solution not only Solution But he will make it happen in your life.
Defination is meaningless if it does not work in real life.
Assalamualikum
Great Article! Would also like to stress that the above points are important not ONLY when the marriage is in trouble, since sometimes it can happen quicker than one can realize, therefore implementing the above rules at all times can help strengthen the marriage before irreparable damage is done.
The article would have more value if there were references to Quran and Hadith as no advice could be superior to Allah’s and prophet Muhammad’s (sal) advice. In general the article is good.