Etiquettes of Intimacy
Below is a brief explanation of etiquette’s related to intimacy in Islam. Each one of these headings has a lot more information so if you are unclear on any specific matter please do further research regarding the matter.
1. Private Setting
The first important thing to remember is that the couple should be in a private room, with doors closed and all windows closed so no one can see them. It is important that this is given high importance since it is a sin to expose one’s ’awrah to anyone other than your spouse.
2. Looking Fine
Wearing nice clothes, smelling nice, being clean, have good breath, removing your hair (especially hair from private parts and arm pits), wearing jewelery or anything else that pleases your spouse in private. Many of times the husband expects this nice treatment from his wife but he doesn’t do the same and look nice for his wife. The couple together should make the effort and look nice for each other. This increases the love and is part of the practice of the Prophet SAW to be clean and smell nice.
3. Foreplay
It is not only a good way to have exciting time with your spouse but it allows for both parties to get involved and enjoy intercourse. Foreplay is kissing, touching, fondling, caressing and playing with each other. Oral sex is a big question that comes up in this issue of foreplay and there are several opinions in regards to this matter. The majority opinion is that it is permissible because there is no clear prohibition against it because it wasn’t the practice of the people at the time. Few things to remember is that Precum (the liquid substance that is clear and appears during arousal) is considered Najis (impure) so having the contact of that with the mouth is impermissible according to many scholars while semen is considered to be tahir (pure) but a woman is not allowed to swallow it. So the issue has many sides to it and very complex issue. We suggest if Oral sex is very important that you go to different Islamic websites and read the opinions about it and research the topic further for yourself.
4. Being Naked
There is a misconception out there that you cannot be completely naked in front of your spouse. This is completely baseless and you are allowed to be completely naked in front of each other. There is even proof that it’s not only allowed at the time of intercourse but allowed at other times as well in front of each other. Our own Prophet SAW and Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) bathed together and they both looked at each other. But we go back to our first point that it must be in the private setting.
5. Make Du’a
Memorize the Dua we have mentioned in below:
Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah SAW said “When one of you wants to approach his wife (meaning sexually), if he says: Bismillah, Allahuma jannib nash-Shaytaan, wa-jannib ish-Shaytaana ma razaqtana (With the name of Allah, O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep him away from what you grant us). If it is decreed that they get a child (from that intercourse) Satan will never harm it.” (Recorded in Bukhari and Muslim)
This Dua is very important and one should memorize it and recite it every time before sexual intercourse.
6. What Positions
All positions for sexual intercourse are permitted as long as the man enters the vagina. It is a major sin and is forbidden to enter from the back passage (anus or anal sex).
7. Menses or Period of a Woman
It is not permissible to have sex with your wife during her menses but all other activity is allowed. So you may do all that you please except for entering her vagina during this time period until she has taken her cleansing bath at the end of her menses.
8. Pregnant Women
It is permissible to have intercourse with your wife while pregnant but one must be very careful not to hurt ones wife or the embryo.
9. Round 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 …
If you wish to have sex with your spouse again you just have to wash your private parts and make wudhu before having sex for a second time. Doing Wudhu is recommended in a Hadeeth, and it rejuvenates and invigorates you.
10. Ghusl
Cleansing oneself after intercourse is important and obligatory to end janabah and it is permissible for the couple to bathe together.
