Avoiding Suspicion & Infidelity

One of the ills that unfortunately our community is experiencing at this time is of suspicion and infidelity. Below are some steps you can take to avoid this problem in your marriage.

A Daily Dose of Love

A husband and wife both should make a concerted effort to give each other the attention and love they need on a daily basis. This is a very simple step but many neglect it. In reality, you can never show your love and gratefulness enough. The reason you got married in the first place was to be together in this life and in the hereafter; so show appreciation with your actions and words to keep the love and commitment alive in your relationship.

Satisfaction

A big factor for infidelity is a lack of sexual activity in a marriage. The ‘honeymoon phase’ will come and go, but this doesn’t mean your active life should end. It is important to understand that once hormones have calmed down a bit, it would be best to openly discuss with each other your needs sexually –there is no shame in that. Remember, there are temptations surrounding us from all directions, therefore having a good healthy sexual relationship with your spouse can ward off much of this temptation.
However, it would be important to know the boundaries and limitations set by Islam with regards to intimacy, and everyone should be well aware of these aspects to avoid falling into the deep traps of Shaytaan.

No flirting (outside of marriage!)

Flirting is a common and often trivialized occurrence that happens a lot at places like the work place; a simple smile, laughing at jokes with the opposite gender, a slight touch here and there, a wink, or a deep look. All these will lead your heart away from the commitment you have with your spouse, and in fact would be opening the door to infidelity. The best defense in this case would be to stay as far away from interactions with the opposite gender as possible. Don’t even go near, as the old saying goes, if you play with fire you will get burned.

Beware of those Business Trips

This one is also taken lightly, but many love affairs do happen at work. Business trips can be the perfect opportunity for Shaytaan to trap you and make you commit a grave sin.
What can you do to avoid temptation and how can your spouse help? Try a few simple steps and you will do just fine with the help of Allah:
-Firstly stay as much in contact with your spouse as possible. The one taking the trip should take the initiative since that will make the spouse at home more comfortable.
-Secondly avoid flirting with a coworker in any way, shape, or form.
-Lastly do not share meals or dinners with the opposite sex anytime during your trip.
-If anyone happens to express their feelings for you please stop them dead in their tracks and tell them you are happily married.

Keep your Business Private

Always keep your relationship information private from others. This is another one of the causes of marriages breaking apart and infidelity creeping in, as you would be sharing your concerns about your relationship with a person other than your own spouse. This may cause feelings to develop and then Shaytaan will takeover. Always make sure to talk to your spouse directly with regards to any issues within your relationship instead of an outsider.

Harmless Online Chats

The reality is that online chatting can be very detrimental as this can lead to all the dangerous points mentioned earlier. It allows for those same factors while making you think that you are doing nothing wrong religiously or morally. But the opposite is true since this is just the first step to a very problematic state of affairs.

Trust your spouse

Trust each other, set boundaries together, and discuss your needs and wants openly. Once these things are in place then give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and trust them. Know that if they were to wrong you Allah is the ultimate Witness, and justice will be served either in this life or the hereafter.

Don’t Ignore

If a spouse raises any red flags or any other concerns they have about their relationship with you then don’t just ignore them, resolve them instead. Ignoring these issues may lead to them feeling neglected, which opens the door for confiding with others, which opens the door to infidelity. So listen and respond to any issues your spouse raises with you and discuss anything that they are concerned about –this will help strengthen your relationship with each other.

The blame game

Finally if one of the spouses does get caught doing something, then under no circumstance do you let them blame you for their mistake. They are most likely not regretful if they are blaming you, and they may probably continue to do the same things over again. You must make it clear to them that they must respect you and respect your rights, and that they must admit their mistake. Finally you should decide the fate of your relationship and not them. It may seem like a tough choice, but do not let them make you feel that you are in a position of weakness; rather you should be the one who gets to decide the consequences and the future for your marriage in this situation.

Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team