Interfaith Marriages in Islam
We have received some questions recently regarding interfaith marriages. This is an easy topic but we have to keep in mind that there is a difference amongst the scholars on some of the issues. We will clearly state it for you in this short article where the differences are what they are and which terms are completely clear.
Clear Terms:
- A Muslim believing woman is not allowed to marry any non believer or even of any one of Ahli Kitaab (People of the Book). Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim Men.
- Muslim men are allowed to marry women only from amongst the Christian and the Jews. Now here is where the difference is amongst the scholars.
- Some scholars say that any women who are Christian or Jewish can be married to a Muslim Man.
- Other scholars say that only chaste woman from amongst the Christians and Jews can be married.
- Then there are also scholars on both point a and b that also hold the opinion that they must not be committing shirk (ascribing partners to Allah).
If you any further questions about this topic you should research it further in detail. As for the benefits of this type of marriage only Allah knows. Obviously in these times where there are so many women and men who are Muslim looking for marriage that there is plenty of people to get married to within our faith. Also the fact that we are so well connected globally now online and through so many other resources that there is no excuse that not enough Muslim sisters are available.
So hopefully this answers all doubts in a quick nutshell about interfaith marriages.
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Great Article… It would be nice to see the proofs.
This is so obvious but unfortunately sad circumstances push people to look other places. People hold on and Push Shaitan away.
It is better for u to marry a Muslim slave girl than a Christian or Jew
Do not marry mushrik women until they are believers. To marry a non Muslim is going against what is in the Quran and the sunnah
very clear and easy to comprehend.
i hav a question accrding to da last sentence of da note how will one make sure dat sisters or brothers availble on online r infact true muslims dey mgiht dsguise them selves as well
1. Even a chaste Christian woman believes that Jesus is the son of Allah, that’s shirk. Why would anyone want to marry a mushrik if they are true Muslims themselves? To Hana Abu-Eid, I love that ayah from surat elbaqara.
2. I love the point that there isn’t a deficit of eligible Muslims and Muslimahs in the world, therefore this isn’t a necessity. Remember just because something was made permissible, doesn’t mean you have do it. For example, my grade 9 students were talking about throwing a girls only party, they wanted to wear very short skirts and low cut shirts because they never have the chance any other time. Though it is permissible, a lady can see another lady’s chest only because of breastfeeding or her legs because she may be cleaning at home and doesn’t want to get her long dress dirty. We don’t have to do everything that is permissible, but they are available if necessity calls to it.
3. To Anika, people online and in person can disguise who they are. In any case you have to be careful. That’s why families like to find husbands and wives for their children from amongst the people they know. It’s easier to know a person’s history (and true character) if the relationship is old. I think the point the author is trying to make about the world being interconnected is that our parents and family members have friends all over the world, and they can be trust worthy “filters” and “providers” of suitors.
4. Excellent topic. To me it’s crystal clear, but maybe I’m biased because I love articles that say don’t over look all the wonderful sisters we have.
Can
Muslims
Marry
Non-Muslims?
Table of Contents
Part A Who Makes Up the Rules of Islam? Page 3
Part B What is the Wisdom Behind these Rulings? Page 6
Part C General Advice Regarding Marriage Page 9
Part D The Rights of the Parents Page 11
Part E Why Can’t a Muslim Woman Marry a Non-Muslim Man? Page 14
Part F Can a Muslim Man Marry a Non-Muslim Woman? Page 17
Part G Context & Conditions for a Muslim Man Marrying a Non-Muslim Woman Page 19
Part H The Reality & Consequences of Marrying a Non-Muslim Woman Page 26
Part I What if I already have a “girlfriend?” What if we’re not doing anything “wrong?” Page 30
Part J Conclusion Page 39
Appendix Those who claim it is haraam for a Muslim male to marry a non-Muslim female Page 41
References Page 45
Part A: Who Makes Up the Rules of Islam?
In the religion of Islam there are only two main sources of information used for the creation of Law – these are the Qur’an and the authentic narrations (Hadith) of the Messenger (saw ) . There is no exception in this. As such, it is impermissible for a person to make up their own rules. As well, it is impermissible for a person to pick and choose what he/she wants to follow from the Laws of Islam. Being Muslim does not entail fulfilling one’s desires – rather, it entails full, unconditional surrender and submission to the Law of Allah and absolute adherence to the directives of His Messenger (saw). This is evidenced by the following verses of the Qur’an:
يُصْلِحْ لَكُمْ أَعْمَالَكُمْ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَمَن يُطِعْ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ فَازَ فَوْزًا عَظِيمًا
• “And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger (saw) he has indeed achieved a great achievement (i.e. will be made to enter Paradise).” (Al-Ahzab 33:71)
وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ وَمَن يَعْصِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلَالًا مُّبِينًا
• “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in this decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger (saw), he has indeed strayed in a plain error.” (Al-Ahzab 33:36)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ أَطِيعُواْ اللّهَ وَأَطِيعُواْ الرَّسُولَ وَأُوْلِي الأَمْرِ مِنكُمْ فَإِن تَنَازَعْتُمْ فِي شَيْءٍ فَرُدُّوهُ إِلَى اللّهِ وَالرَّسُولِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ ذَلِكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَحْسَنُ تَأْوِيلاً
• “O you who believe! Obey Allah and obey the Messenger (saw), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. And if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger (saw), if you truly believe in Allah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.” (An-Nisa 4:59)
وَإِذَا جَاءهُمْ أَمْرٌ مِّنَ الأَمْنِ أَوِ الْخَوْفِ أَذَاعُواْ بِهِ وَلَوْ رَدُّوهُ إِلَى الرَّسُولِ وَإِلَى أُوْلِي الأَمْرِ مِنْهُمْ لَعَلِمَهُ الَّذِينَ يَسْتَنبِطُونَهُ مِنْهُمْ وَلَوْلاَ فَضْلُ اللّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ لاَتَّبَعْتُمُ الشَّيْطَانَ إِلاَّ قَلِيلاً
• “When there comes to them some matter touching (public) safety or fear, they make it known among the people. If only they had referred it to the Messenger (saw) or to those charged with authority among them, the proper investigators would have understood it and explored it from them (directly). Had it not been for the Grace and Mercy of Allah upon you, all but a few of you would have fallen into the clutches of Shaitan (Satan).” (An-Nisa 4:83)
وَأَنْ أَقِمْ وَجْهَكَ لِلدِّينِ حَنِيفًا وَلاَ تَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْمُشْرِكِينَ
• “And direct your face entirely towards the religion Hanifa (Islamic Monotheism), and never be one of the Mushrikun (polytheists).” (Yunus 10:105)
مَّا أَفَاء اللَّهُ عَلَى رَسُولِهِ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْقُرَى فَلِلَّهِ وَلِلرَّسُولِ وَلِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ كَيْ لَا يَكُونَ دُولَةً بَيْنَ الْأَغْنِيَاء مِنكُمْ وَمَا آتَاكُمُ الرَّسُولُ فَخُذُوهُ وَمَا نَهَاكُمْ عَنْهُ فَانتَهُوا وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ شَدِيدُ الْعِقَابِ
• “And whatsoever the Messenger (saw) gives you, take it, and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it), and fear Allah.” (Al-Hashr 59:7)
وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمْ تَعَالَوْاْ إِلَى مَا أَنزَلَ اللّهُ وَإِلَى الرَّسُولِ رَأَيْتَ الْمُنَافِقِينَ يَصُدُّونَ عَنكَ صُدُودًا
• “And when it is said to them, “Come to what Allah has revealed and to the Prophet (saw)”, you will see the hypocrites turning away from you with (utter) aversion.” (An-Nisa 4:61)
قُلْ أَطِيعُواْ اللّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ فإِن تَوَلَّوْاْ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْكَافِرِينَ
• “Say: “Obey Allah and His Prophet (saw)”: But if they turn back, then surely Allah does not love the non-believers.” (al-Imran 3:32)
In summary, we, as Muslims, are obligated to follow Allah and his Messenger (saw) in manner that is consistent and whole. The one who disobeys any command from Allah and/or any command from His Messenger (saw) will undoubtedly end up upon a path of misguidance which will lead to damnation in the hellfire. The one who obeys Allah and/or His Messenger (saw) will earn him or herself a path of guidance and ease in this world and the next, Insha’Allah.
For the one who is in this predicament…
As you read through this lengthy article, my dear Muslim, it is essential that you realize that this is not an issue of whether or not you are practicing your religion. We are all Muslim and our duty to each other is giving sincere advice. If I was going astray I would expect my Muslim brother or sister to guide me aright. In the same way, this article is not written as a judgement – only Allah can judge – but, it is a concern in our community and our collective mission is to defeat Iblis and destroy his mission to lead humanity astray.
We remind ourselves of the warning from the Prophet (saw) who said that whenever a man is alone with a non-mahram woman, then Shaytan is the third among them. (Tirmidhi, graded Sahih). Alone doesn’t always mean alone in a room – but even alone in a busy donut shop is “alone,” if other family members or Muslims are absent.
Most important to remember, as well, is that we are all at different levels of Islam. However, we always have been and always will be Muslims – our identity is not something we can leave off or forget about. Just because one might not be at a certain level, doesn’t mean he/she is exempt from being Muslim, nor does it exempt one from the laws of our Deen.
If you are currently faced with this predicament then, first, congratulations for not cowering from the Truth. Second, this is not a time for self pity, nor is it time to run away from a problem. Being Muslim is our very being, our very existence – we cannot run away from Islam and we cannot run away from being Muslim – regardless of how close we are to Allah or not. We cannot run away from who we really are.
This is not the time to give into the whispers of the devils who wish to lead us astray. Rather, this is the time you MUST reach inside yourself and grab hold of your heart and your soul and steer yourself back to Sirat ul Mustakeem – The Straight Way.
Part B: What is the Wisdom Behind these Rulings?
Based on the verses mentioned above, all the Muslim has to do is to respond to what his Lord has enjoined him to do and/or forbidden him from. The Muslim should know for certain that Allah does not prescribe anything unless it is for a reason. Some shar’i rulings are purely the matter of worship, and we do not know the wisdom behind them, while the reason of other rulings is rationally understood. There is nothing to prevent us seeking the wisdom behind rulings, but the Muslim should still heed the commands of Allah.
The Muslim has to accept the things for which Allah has not explained the reason, and say as the believers say: “We hear and we obey.” (Baqara 2:285) He should not be like the Bani Israel who said: “We hear but we disobey.” (Baqara 2:93)
Accepting what Allah says is better for the believer in his religious and worldly affairs, for he is a slave who has a Lord, and the slave has no right to ask his Lord why He has enjoined something. Rather he has to submit to His commands, whether or not his Lord has told him why, as is related,
لَا يُسْأَلُ عَمَّا يَفْعَلُ وَهُمْ يُسْأَلُونَ
“He (Allah) cannot be questioned as to what He does, while they will be questioned.” (al-Anbiya’ 21:23)
With regard to understanding the reasons why things have been prescribed, we may divide the issues of fiqh into two categories:
1. Rulings whose wisdom may be understood on a rational basis, either because the reason is stated in the texts, or because it is logical. Such rulings are the majority of those that Allah has prescribed, such as enjoining prayer, zakat, fasting, Hajj and enjoining the mahr (dowry) in marriage, ‘iddah (waiting period following divorce or widowhood), spending on one’s wife, children and relatives, divorce when married life becomes unbearable, and many other similar issues of fiqh. So, these are the rulings that we are able to understand the reasoning and logic as to why they have been prescribed.
2. Rulings which are enjoined on us as pure worship. These are rulings in which the connection between the ruling and the action is not clear, such as the number of prayers in a day, or the number of rak’ah in each prayer and most of the actions of Hajj. These rulings are prescribed as a test to demonstrate whether a person is a true believer. It should also be noted that shari’ah – both general principles and minor details – does not prescribe anything that contradicts common sense, but it may prescribe something for which the reason is not plainly obvious. We do these actions even though we don’t know the wisdom behind them, because Allah prescribed them to us.
There is a big difference between the two. If a person is rationally convinced that Allah exists and that He is wise, and that He alone deserves to be acknowledged as Lord and he is rationally convinced that the Prophet (saw) is a true Prophet, then he affirms that Allah is the Sovereign and the Lord, and that he is His slave. Then if he is commanded to do something or is forbidden to do something, and he then says, “I will not follow this ruling until I know the reason behind this command or prohibition,” then he has proven himself to be false in his claim to be a believer in Allah and His Messenger. The human mind has a limit beyond which it cannot go.
The one who rebels against the rulings of Allah that have to do with rituals is like a sick person who goes to a trustworthy doctor who prescribes various kinds of medicine for him; some to be taken before eating, some to be taken during the meal and some to be taken afterwards, in various amounts. He then says to the doctor, “I will not take your medicine until you explain to me the reason why this one should be taken before eating and this one afterwards, and this one during the meal, and why are they at varying amounts, some small and some big?” Does this patient really trust his doctor? The same may be said of a person who claims to believe in Allah and His Messenger, then rebels against the rulings the wisdom behind which he does not understand.
The true believer, if he is commanded to do something or forbidden to do something, says, “I hear and I obey,” especially since, as has been explained, that there are no rulings that can be rejected on the basis of reason. Not knowing something does not indicate that it is not true. How many rulings are there, the reason for which has been concealed from us in the past, then it is discovered that there is great wisdom behind them?
For example, the reason why pork is forbidden was unknown to many people, then it was found out that pork carries germs and disease and other bad things, and Allah wanted to protect humanity from them . The same may be said concerning the command to wash vessels that have been licked by a dog three times , one of which should be with earth… and other rulings the wisdom behind which may be discovered one day, even though it is hidden from us now.
وَمَن يَبْتَغِ غَيْرَ الإِسْلاَمِ دِينًا فَلَن يُقْبَلَ مِنْهُ وَهُوَ فِي الآخِرَةِ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ
• “And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.” (Aal ‘Imraan 3:85)
شَهِدَ اللّهُ أَنَّهُ لاَ إِلَـهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ وَالْمَلاَئِكَةُ وَأُوْلُواْ الْعِلْمِ قَآئِمَاً بِالْقِسْطِ لاَ إِلَـهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ الْعَزِيزُ الْحَكِيمُ إِنَّ الدِّينَ عِندَ اللّهِ الإِسْلاَمُ وَمَا اخْتَلَفَ الَّذِينَ أُوْتُواْ الْكِتَابَ إِلاَّ مِن بَعْدِ مَا جَاءهُمُ الْعِلْمُ بَغْيًا بَيْنَهُمْ وَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِآيَاتِ اللّهِ فَإِنَّ اللّهِ سَرِيعُ الْحِسَابِ
• “Allah bears witness that Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), and the angels, and those having knowledge (also give this witness); (He always) maintains His creation in justice. Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), the All-Mighty, the All-Wise. Truly, the religion with Allah is Islam. Those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) did not differ except, out of mutual jealousy, after knowledge had come to them. And whoever disbelieves in the Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allah, then surely, Allah is Swift in calling to account.” (Aal ‘Imraan 3:18-19)
Part C: General Advice Regarding Marriage
It is of utmost importance that a man or woman chooses their spouse with extreme care. Who he/she chooses to marry will affect him/her in this life and the next and so it is incumbent upon the man or woman to think and plan for a long term commitment. It is not advisable to marry just any person, nor is it advisable to marry based solely on beauty and attraction – rather, wisdom dictates that the Muslim must look with greater insight:
• Will she take care of my household in my absence?
• What will she bring (joy or sadness) into the home?
• What will she teach the children? How will she raise the children?
• What religious foundation will she provide for the children?
• How will she help the children develop their identity?
• What will she cook for them? How will she clothe them? (hijab/no hijab)
In this respect the Prophet (saw), who cared for our well being, advised and encouraged us: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed and may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Also, a woman is chosen as a wife for her wealth, beauty, family, and faith. Win the one that has the faith or you will ruin your life. (Bukhari and Muslim).
It is important to note that this advice from the Prophet (saw) does not mean choosing between a Muslim woman and a kitaabi woman (a Jewish or Christian woman), rather it means choosing from among Muslim women, because if every Muslim woman is recommendable for marriage, then it is more likely that it is inadvisable to marry a non-Muslim woman, a Jew or Christian. Undoubtedly marriage to a righteous Muslim woman will help the Muslim to obey his Lord and help in raising righteous children.
Why? Naturally the difference of religion will be a cause of division between spouses, or will cause problems in the future, especially when children come along. Truly, a Muslim man should look to the future and consider his duties toward his children. Many cases have clearly demonstrated the damage that can be done to children in interfaith marriages, especially those that end in divorce. While a personal sin may be easy to forget and repent from, one may never overcome the problems that arise because his children were raised as non-Muslims as a result of his negligence concerning providing the right spouse and community for them. Being a parent means being selfless, not selfish and the decision made today has far reaching consequences. Children have the right to be brought up in an Islamic environment by good Muslim parents.
The emphasis is made clear by Allah as He revealed:
وَلاَ تَنكِحُواْ الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلاَ تُنكِحُواْ الْمُشِرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُواْ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللّهُ يَدْعُوَ إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ
• “Do not marry non-believing women until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than a free woman who does not believe, even though the latter may appear very attractive to you.” (Al-Baqarah 2:221)
Why is religion so firmly advised? Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said: “A religiously-committed Muslim woman will help him to obey Allah and will be good to raise his children, and protect herself in his absence, and protect his wealth and his house, unlike a woman who is not religiously-committed, who may harm him in the future. Hence the Prophet (saw) said: “Choose the one who is religiously-committed.” If along with religious commitment there is also beauty, wealth and good lineage, then that is light upon light. Otherwise, what he should choose is the one who is religiously-committed.” (Al-Sharh al-Mumti’ 12/13)
Part D: The Rights of the Parents
The rights of parents, as outlined by the Qur’an and authentic Sunnah, are plentiful and go beyond the scope of this article. However, to summarize, the following verses and hadith are presented:
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
• “And that you be dutiful to your parents.” (al-Israa’ 17:23)
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا
• “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents.” (al-‘Ankaboot 29:8)
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ
• “Give thanks to Me and to your parents.” (Luqmaan 31:14)
• Abu ‘Amr al-Shaybaani said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah (saw) which deed was most beloved to Allah. He said: ‘Prayer performed at the right time.’” He asked, “Then what?” He said, “Honouring one’s parents.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Struggling for the sake of Allah.” (Bukhari)
Ibn Hajar said in Al-Fath (10/401): “The hadith implies that one should honour and obey one’s parents even if they are not Muslim. The Prophet (saw) explained with regard to another hadith that it is good to honour one’s parents even after they have died.
• It was reported that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar met a Bedouin man on the way to Makkah. ‘Abdullah greeted him with salaam, mounted him on the donkey he was riding, and gave him a turban that he had been wearing on his head. Ibn Deenaar said, we said to him, May Allah bring you back to your senses! They are only Bedouin and they would be content with little. ‘Abdullah said, “This man’s father used to be a friend of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, and I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say that the best of good deeds is for a son to uphold ties with his father’s friends.” (Sahih Muslim) Al-Ubayy said in his commentary on Muslim (8/496): this means that the best good deed is to give preference to one’s father’s relatives over others.
It becomes clear, then, that parents have a very high status which must be upheld. What, then, are the rights of the child over his parents? These include a good upbringing, kind treatment and compassion, which involves fully breastfeeding the child, educating him and spending on him if the father is not present.
The most important thing to garner from the above statements is that the relationship between parent and child, among Muslims, is much different then the majority of non-Muslims. Muslims enjoy a family relationship based on trust and respect and this is upheld through the daily practices of our religion. Muslim children listen to their parents and obey them in legitimate causes because they understand the accountability their parents have in front of Allah. If the parent is unjust to their child, they may face a period of time in the Hellfire. However, if the parent is just and provides for their children then they would enter Paradise. The relationship goes both ways – parents and children fulfilling their Islamic responsibilities toward each other can ensure entrance to the Promised Gardens of Paradise.
What about marriage? The role of the parent in marriage is one of a protector and guide, especially for a female. Hence, parents do have a role to play in choosing the partner for their child. Having said that, the question will arise, “under what circumstances can they disapprove?”
1. Parents can choose to disapprove of a potential spouse as long as their objection is for legitimate shar’i reasons. These may include, but are not limited to, the following: if she has a bad reputation, or she is not Muslim – even though marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman is basically permissible.
2. Parents cannot disapprove for any illegitimate reason such as personal or worldly pressures such as if she is not beautiful or she is not from a specific clan/tribe/culture/city, or that she is too religious.
3. Parents have no right to force their son/daughter to marry someone he/she does not want. Shaykh Taqiy ad-Deen (Ibn Taymiyah) said: “Neither of the parents has the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses then he is not sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the right to force him to eat food he finds off-putting when there is food that he wants to eat, and marriage is like that and more so. Food that one is forced to eat is unpleasant for a short while, but a forced marriage lasts for a long time, and it harms a person and he cannot leave it.”
When negotiating with parents regarding the choosing of your spouse, it is not appropriate to jump to conclusion 2 or 3 without careful consideration of their potentially legitimate concerns. This is because the responsibility of parenthood includes marriage and continues beyond.
Due to this responsibility, and the seriousness of it, parents will try to keep their child away from everything that may be labelled a failure – whether it be a career or a spouse.
What’s more is that parents have a lot more life experience and understand that marriage in Islam is a strong relationship which does not just last for a limited time like the forbidden love of boyfriends and girlfriends; rather it is a relationship between two spouses which should be ongoing and stable. So the choice (of a marriage partner) should only be made after much careful consideration and consultation with those who know more about life.
At times a child may perceive that their parents’ judgment is flawed and at these times it is important to shun the whispers of Satan. One should ask, “Perhaps my mother looks at the matter from a different angle than I do. Perhaps she rejected that girl for a reason that is quite legitimate from an Islamic point of view, such as the girl not being committed to Islam. Maybe after researching the matter and consulting with others, she found out that this girl was not the right one for me?”
Parents Just Don’t Understand – When considering a non-Muslim for marriage, the non-Muslim may think that Muslim parents are overly strict and just don’t listen. Indeed, a quick glance at the state of the family in the west will show that sons are far away from their parents and the parents’ rights are not respected. Islam enjoins children to show respect to their parents, as non-Muslims, who do not enjoy such a relationship, realize. Because the mother tends to be gentle, loving and compassionate towards her children, and the father tends to be strict and take a rational and unemotional approach towards things, many children find it easier to talk to their mothers than to their fathers, especially with regard to emotional problems. But that does not mean that it is difficult for Muslims to talk to their fathers.
Some people may have been brought up in a way that was not entirely right, which may have affected some of their behaviour and attitudes, but only in a general sense. The Muslim is supposed to love his fellow-Muslim who is a stranger, so what about one who is close to him – what about sons and fathers? Each of them should care about the interests of the other and love that which is best for the one whom he cares for.
Moreover, when parents object to a potential spouse, it does not mean that they are trying to control their son/daughter and it does not mean that they have judged the non-Muslim spouse without seeing him/her. Rather any father or mother– and especially in a Muslim society – wants the best life for their child and because they have greater experience of life and have lived longer, and know how things are, they do not want their child to do something reckless which he/she may later regret.
Part E: Why Can’t a Muslim Woman Marry a Non-Muslim Man?
This is a legitimate question and before answering, it is imperative to remind oneself of what was mentioned in Parts A & B of this article. The Muslim submits wholeheartedly, unquestionably to Allah and the evidence is found in the Noble Qur’an:
وَلاَ تَنكِحُواْ الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلاَ تُنكِحُواْ الْمُشِرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُواْ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللّهُ يَدْعُوَ إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ
“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember” (Baqarah 2:221)
Concerning this verse Imam At-Tabari said: What is said concerning the interpretation of the words “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” is that Allah has forbidden the believing women to give birth to a mushrik , no matter what kind of shirk he believes in. So, O believers, do not give your daughters in marriage to them, for that is forbidden to you. For you to give them in marriage to a believing slave who believes in Allah and His Messenger is better for you than to give them in marriage to a free mushrik even if he is of noble descent and honourable origins.
It was narrated that Qutaadah and al-Zuhri said, concerning the phrase “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikoon”, It is not permissible for you to give them in marriage to a Jew or a Christian or a mushrik who is not a follower of your religion. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 2/379).
Let us understand…Islam is the final revelation given to human beings and Muslims recognize this as truth and fact. Non-Muslims, however, are ignorant to this truth and are in the dark regarding the Qur’an and the Messenger of Allah (saw). As such, the non-Muslim husband does not recognize the Prophethood of Muhammad (saw) and does not recognize the fundamentals of tawheed. Thus, the non-Muslim husband is under no obligation to uphold the laws of Islam within the household. The Muslim, however, recognizes not only Muhammad (saw), but affirms all previous Prophets, Messengers and Books – and respects all of them, by default.
So – the Muslim male who marries a kitaabi wife will respect her religion and will not oppress her rights. BUT, the non-Muslim male who marries a Muslim wife is under no obligation to provide for her according to her right in Islam and could forbid her from practicing Islam. Further, the Muslim male who takes a kitaabi wife can prohibit her from wearing make-up, wearing mini-skirts and hugging/kissing his friends without oppressing her rights. The non-Muslim male, however, can employ emotional abuse to force his Muslim wife into wearing mini-skirts and huggin his friends .
So, to make it crystal clear, a Muslim female cannot, under any circumstances, marry a non-Muslim. This includes, but is not limited to, Jew, Christian, Hindu, Sikh, Zoroastrian, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic, Rastafarian, Communist, or Druid.
My dear sister in Islam, I encourage you to heed these words with care. If you are indeed involved in a relationship with a non-Muslim man, you must ask yourself why Allah caused you to read these words of advice. He did so to warn you and stop you from oppressing yourself. My dear sister in Islam, you must ask yourself:
o Will this man respect your religion and not jeer your practices in any way?
o Will this man respect your right to clothe yourself? Will he respect the commandments of the Qur’an which openly declare that a husband must maintain his wife in way that suits her needs?
o Will this man allow you to teach Islam openly in the household? Even if you are not currently practicing Islam, there might come a day when you may…what will his reaction be at that time?
o Will this man assist you during Ramadan? Will he wake you up for Suhoor or understand that you are tired while fasting? Will he demand bedroom relations while you are fasting?
o Will he accompany you to Umrah or Hajj?
o Does this man really respect you and your religion – it is common knowledge that Muslims do not frequent the dating scene and yet he is pursuing a relationship with you. Does he respect your cultural and religious values?
o What if this man brings alcohol in the home? What if he expects you to dress a certain way when his friends visit? What if he expects pork to be part of the weekly menu?
o Will this man provide the respect for your parents that Islam demands of all human beings?
Do not allow yourself to fall into self-pity and do not allow yourself to fall victim to the devils. Fight against your desires – Allah will replace him with someone much better for you. Whenever a person leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better, said the Prophet (saw) .
It doesn’t matter if he’s a great guy and that you both get along so well. It doesn’t matter if you share the same interests in music, food, language and culture. What does matter is your long term relationship with Allah. What does matter is taking care of yourself in this life and the next. What does matter is taking care of your future children and securing their futures in this life and the next. What does matter is striving to find a partner who will cherish you as Islam teaches men to do. What does matter is finding a partner who will provide for you and your future children, as Islam teaches men to do. What does matter is finding a partner who will respect your parents as his own, as Islam teaches men to do. What does matter is finding a partner who realizes his accountability to Allah and, thus, strives to ensure all your needs are met. The choice is clear, my sister…be strong and make the right decision.
Part F: Can a Muslim Man Marry a Non-Muslim Woman?
وَلاَ تَنكِحُواْ الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلاَ تُنكِحُواْ الْمُشِرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُواْ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللّهُ يَدْعُوَ إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ
“And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikûn till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.” (Baqarah 2:221)
So it is not permissible, under any circumstance, for a Muslim male to marry a Mushrik – whether she be Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, Atheist, Communist, Agnostic, Zoroastrian, Druid, etc. However,
الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَّكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلُّ لَّهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ وَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِالإِيمَانِ فَقَدْ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ وَهُوَ فِي الآخِرَةِ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ
Made lawful to you this day are At Tayyibaat (all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. (Maa’idah 5:5)
Shaykh Ibn Baaz, when commenting on this verse, said: If the kitaabi woman is known to be chaste (and free) and to keep away from the things that lead to immoral actions, then it is permissible, because Allah has permitted us to marry their women and eat their food.
The point is that based on this verse, it is permissible for a Muslim male to marry a Christian and/or Jewish female, so long as they are practicing, free, moral and chaste women.
In fact, the companions of the Prophet (saw) did that. ‘Uthman married a Christian woman, as did Talhah ibn ‘Ubaydullah; and Hudhayfah married a Jewish woman. ‘Abdullaah ibn Ahmad said: I asked my father about a Muslim man who married a Christian or Jewish woman. He said: I do not like for him to do it, but if he does, then some of the companions of the Prophet (saw) did that too. Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah, 2/794, 795.
There is, however, a context and a number of conditions which must be met and these are discussed in the next section.
Part G: Context & Conditions for a Muslim Man
Marrying a Non-Muslim Woman
Context
First, it is essential to reiterate that the only “Non-Muslim” that can be married by a Muslim are those who adhere to Judaism and/or Christianity. Second, it is only the male Muslim who is permitted to do so.
Hence, there is no disagreement among the scholars of Islam that the free (unbound) women of Ahlul Kitaab are Halaal. This has been reported from the Sahabah such as ‘Umar, ‘Uthman, Talha, Hudhaifah, Salmaan, Jabir and others. Ibnul Mundhir states, “There is nothing authentically reported from the first (generation of Sahabah) to indicate that it (marrying from the women of Ahlul Kitaab) is Haraam. In fact it is reported from al-Khallal with his chain of reporters that Hudhaifah, Talha, al-Jarood bin al-Mu‘aly, and Uthaynah al-‘Abdi all married woman from Ahlul Kitaab.” (See the Musanaaf of ‘Abdur Razaaq Vol 6/ Pgs. 78-79, Vol 7/ Pgs. 176-177, the Musaanaf of Ibn Abi Shaybaah Vol 4/ 158, as-Sunan al-Kubra of al-Bayhaqi Vol 7/ Pg 172)
HOWEVER, the context under which marriage to a non-Muslim is permitted is, in fact, the pre-condition that must exist and this is explained by Jabir ibn Abdullah who was asked about such marriages and he said: “We married them during the time of the conquest of Kufah along with Saad ibn Abi Waqqas because we could hardly find any Muslim women there. When we returned, we divorced them.” (Sunan Abu Dawood )
There are many Muslim girls of a marriageable age who are living in non-Islamic countries such as Canada, the U.S.A. and all parts of Europe, and it is the duty of the Muslim men to protect these girls from marrying non-Muslim men, which is absolutely prohibited in Islam. If Muslim men loosely practice their right to marry Christian or Jewish women, the Muslims girls in non-Islamic societies will be forced into unwanted circumstances and Muslim men will be at least partially responsible and will get their share of the punishment from Allah.
So, it is clear that the only reason a Muslim male should marry a non-Muslim female is that he is living in a non-Muslim country where no Muslim females are available for marriage. Further, this should be considered as a last resort and as the only alternative to keep him from falling into adultery/fornication. Lastly, should he return to a Muslim country for residence he should divorce his non-Muslim wife, unless, of course, she accepts Islam.
Conditions
Now that the context is clear, the following conditions must be adhered to. Unfortunately, some Muslim men ignore these conditions and ignore the commands of Allah when they are allured by a non-Muslim woman.
Condition A
Thus, the first condition is, in fact, a Pre-Condition, in that the Muslim male is living in a non-Muslim country and there aren’t any Muslim females available for marriage. This means:
1. If a Muslim male is living in a Muslim country then there is no cause for him to marry a non-Muslim female
2. If a Muslim male is living in a non-Muslim country then he must exhaust all Muslim female choices before he is forced into a situation whereby non-Muslim females are the only choices left.
3. Marrying a Christian or Jewish woman in a non-Islamic state should be considered as a last resort and as the only alternative to keep him from falling into adultery/fornication.
Further, Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi places further restrictions by stating that Muslim men may not marry Christian or Jewish women if the Muslim community is a small minority in a largely non-Muslim society, as such marriages would make it impossible for Muslim women to find Muslim men to marry. This is classified under “limiting the allowed” in Islamic Shari’ah. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi used the example that if all people grew cotton instead of wheat, the government would have the right to stop them from doing so, since wheat is a necessary food ingredient, even though growing cotton is allowed in normal cases.
Condition B
She must be Kitaabiyyah, meaning Christian or Jewish by faith and practice – not by virtue of birth into a Christian or Jewish family.
Thus, it is required that the woman should be fully practising her religion at the time of marriage and not practically a “Mulhid” (atheist). In general, many women who live in Christian or Jewish societies today are atheists, Buddhists or Bahai’s. These women are prohibited for Muslim men.
If a Muslim man is involved in this type of relationship, he must know that the “nikaah” (marriage) is INVALID. Furthermore, any children born out of an invalid nikaah are considered illegitimate and are not eligible for inheritance .
Further, a woman who commits apostasy, by becoming a non-Muslim after being a Muslim, would not be allowed to marry a Muslim man, since an apostate is much worse than a disbeliever or a non-believer.
Condition C
She must be Muhsanah, which means she is free (not a slave) and she is chaste and virtuous (not loose or immoral). What must be made clear is that the word “Muhsanah” doesn’t just mean “virgin” – rather, the definition of chastity by Shari’ah encompasses anything leading up to the potential fornication and/or adultery. The fact of the matter is that most non-Muslim women these days do not qualify as Muhsanat (chaste and virtuous women who abstain from sexual activities outside marriage), and Muslim men should fear Allah and keep this condition in mind.
Abu Ja’far Muhammad ibn Jareer al-Tabari gave a definition of muhsanah in Jaami’ al-Bayaan ‘an Ta’weel Aayi’l-Qur’aan (8/165): “Muhsanah means the woman who is chaste and pure … one who is chaste and protects her private parts from committing immoral acts, as in the Qur’anic verse: ‘And Maryam, the daughter of ‘Imraan, who guarded her chastity…’ (al-Tahreem 66:12), meaning that she kept herself above suspicious actions and protected herself from immoral conduct.”
If a woman is not chaste, and she has platonic boyfriends or lovers with whom she is intimate, then Islam forbids marriage to her, whether she is a Muslim or a woman from among the People of the Book, just as it is forbidden to marry a man who has platonic girlfriends or lovers. This is to protect married life from collapse and to protect against mixing of lineages and to avoid causes of dispute, accusation and suspicion. So if she has had previous partners she is immoral. More importantly, if you are currently one of those partners (i.e. her current boyfriend/lover) then she is immoral and you cannot marry her!
Thus, any women who are involved in illicit or suspicious relationships with men are prohibited for Muslim men. Illicit relations include being friends with and/or flirtatious behaviour with and/or engaging in loose talk with non-mahram men.
As mentioned above, for promiscuous women, those who do not keep themselves chaste and free from immoral sexual conduct, it is not permitted to marry them, whether they are Muslims or from among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians), unless they repent, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
الزَّانِي لَا يَنكِحُ إلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذَلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
“Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry anyone but a woman similarly guilty, or an non-believer: nor let anyone but such a man or an non-believer marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.” (al-Noor 24:3)
Condition D
She must not be from Ahl Al-Harb (those peoples who are at war with the Muslims). It is reported that Abdullah Ibn `Abbas, a famous companion of the Prophet (saw) and a famous scholar, said, “It is not allowed to marry the women of the People of the Book if they are from the people fighting Islam.” This would include those who are helping others to fight Islam. According to many scholars of the Hanafi School of Shari’ah, it is Makrooh Tahrimi (i.e. essentially haraam) to marry a resident of Dar al-Harb.
As such, it would not be permissible to marry an Israeli Jew or a Coptic Christian or a Pakistani Christian or an Evangelical Christian or a Goan Christian and some Christian Missionaries .
While it can be debated whether the United States (a secular state) is at this time “Ahl Al-Harb” or not since their opposition to Islam is clear, but there is no actual ongoing war at this time, it is clearly disadvantageous for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman in this context. If anything should go wrong, his property and his innocent children will almost surely be seriously violated due to the injustice and bias of the courts in this regard.
Condition E
There should be no threat or possible harm from marrying her. For example, if there is any chance she would not comply with Islamic attire or Islamic dietary guidelines then she should be divorced. Or, if she is not going to wash properly after finishing her period, or is not going to tell him not to have intercourse with her while she is menstruating, then she should not be married.
Another example could be if a man’s children would not be raised as Muslims, he should not marry her. If the courts in a non-Islamic society would give the children to her in the case of divorce, then he cannot marry her, unless she agrees (via prenuptial agreement) that he would have the children in the case of divorce.
Condition F
One of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman is that the Muslim man should be in charge of the family.
But what happens nowadays is that those who marry women from non-Muslim countries marry them under their laws and there is a great deal of injustice in their systems. They do not recognize a Muslim’s authority over his wife and children, and if the wife gets angry with her husband she will destroy his household and take the children away, with the support of the laws of her land and with the help of their embassies in most countries. It is no secret that the Muslim countries have no power to resist the pressure of those countries and their embassies.
Condition G
Stemming from the above examples, another condition is that guardianship of the children should belong to the Muslim, and they should be raised in accordance with the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Prophet (saw).
If any Muslim marries a kitaabi woman, the children, by shar’iah (Islamic law) are considered to be Muslim. For instance, often, in “dar al-harb,” the kids adopt the religion of their mother; sometimes, a marriage is arranged upon agreements between the couples that half of kids will adopt mother’s and the other half will follow father’s religion, or that the children will make their own decision or follow both religions. If a Muslim man agrees to ANY of such terms accepting the kids to be raised as non-Muslims, the person will be regarded as a “Murtid” (the one who has denied Islam) because he has allowed his kids to become “kaafir” whereas they could have been brought up in the Islamic religion.
Again, anyone who willingly and knowingly allows/agrees for his kids to become “kaafir” is regarded as “murtid” and has exited the fold of Islam.
If he has children from a previous marriage and/or has previously been married to a Muslim woman, then this previous wife is free from his acts of “kufr” (disbelief).
Condition H
Non-Muslim women who repent and accept Islam are treated as any other Muslim – only if their acceptance of Islam is sincere and not merely for the purpose of marrying Muslim men. Islam forgives all that was before it.
Some people, however, accept Islam by name only, only to marry a Muslim, without showing the least change in their lifestyles to prove that they are following Islam. One should not marry from such people.
Accepting Islam is a serious matter. Our pure monotheistic religion cannot be toyed with, or used for personal motives. Hence, if a person enters the religion of Allah as a game with no serious intent, he/she deserves the curse of Allah and he/she will be with the disbelievers, as Allah says: “Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth (grade) of the Fire.” (Nisa’ 4:145)
Note that a non-Muslim woman cannot possibly make tauba (repentance) since it is an act of worship and no act of worship is accepted without the prerequisite of belief, which she is lacking. Further, please note that it is not possible for her to claim and be forced into belief, as Allah says:
There is no compulsion in religion. (Al-Baqarah 2:256)
Thus, the attribute of “fornicatress” cannot be lifted unless she becomes Muslim, regardless of how long she has left the practice itself. In this situation it becomes haraam to marry such a woman because of Allah’s statement:
الزَّانِي لَا يَنكِحُ إلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذَلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or a non-believer: nor let any but such a man or a non-believer marry such a woman; to the Believers, such a thing is forbidden.” (al-Noor 24:3)
Condition I
The Non-Muslim women to whom Muslim men can marry, are the women from Christian and Jewish religions who are residents of “Dar-ul-Islam” (nations where Islamic law prevails). They are those who are known as “Dhi’mmi” (those who give Jizya instead of Zakat in an Islamic state). Under no circumstances, then, is it permissible to marry residents of “Dar al-Kufr” (where non-Islamic rule exist).
However, as was mentioned above, marriage to these women is allowed in extreme circumstances where the potential to commit sin is great – but the ruling in this case would still be “mukrooh tanzihi,” (abhorred, loathed) according to the Hanafi School of Shari’ah.
The benefits of marrying a non-Muslim woman are minimal when both live in a non-Islamic state. The woman and her relatives would not see how Muslims live as a community, nor would they have close contact with his family, should the Muslim man decide to marry her and live outside the Islamic State. As such the opportunities for da’wah become severely limited.
Thus, a Muslim man is discouraged from marrying a non-Muslim woman if there is no Islamic State or if he is not living in an existing Islamic state.
Condition J
It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her wali (guardian), regardless of whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including ash-Shafi’i, Malik and Ahmad. They take as evidence the words of the Prophet (saw):
• “There should be no nikaah (marriage contract) except with a wali (guardian).”(Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah – classified Sahih al-Albani).
• “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If her husband has consummated the marriage, then the mahr belongs to her in return for that. If she does not have a wali then the (Muslim) ruler is the wali of anyone who does not have a wali.”(Narrated and classed as hasan by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah)
• The Prophet (saw) said, “Announce marriages publicly.” (Narrated by Ahmad, graded hasan by Al-Albani)
• Allah has permitted us to marry Jewish and Christian woman, on condition that they are chaste and avoid zina (unlawful sexual relations), and that the wali (guardian) of that Christian woman is a Muslim. The condition of the woman’s wali being a Muslim is indicated by the verse: “And never will Allah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers” (Nisa’ 4:141)
Part H: The Reality & Consequences of
Marrying a Non-Muslim Woman
One may question the amount of conditions placed on this issue. The reason is because the issue of marriage is far reaching; indeed, the choice of one’s spouse has great impact on his position in the hereafter. One must remember that the Prophet (saw) said, “Marriage is half of deen .” Thus, the reason for such a lengthy article on this topic becomes obvious; of the five aims of Shari’ah , the most important is protecting one’s deen – and this takes priority over everything else.
The greatest challenge, especially in situations of infatuation, is looking at long term consequences of marrying a non-Muslim and the reader is encouraged to explore and reflect upon people they know who have married non-Muslim women. What kind of life are they leading and what of their children?
Some think it is easy to convert a person to Islam, but ask yourself the question, “How would I react if someone were to attempt converting me? Didn’t they marry me for the way I am?” Others think a wife can be “molded,” but again the question must be asked, “How easy would it be to “mold” me?” Muslim men should consider these issues before they marry non-Muslim women, especially if the man is strongly influenced by her physical appearance.
One should also reflect upon the following realisms a Muslim will face when marrying a non-Muslim woman:
1. He may have to be courteous to this wife of his at the expense of his religion, especially if she is “very committed” to her own religion. This may mean that she will go to the church and hang up crosses and/or pictures of saints/idols in the house.
2. She may cause him do something that is wrong according to Shari’ah such as allowing alcohol in the house and/or cohabitation while in her menses
3. He is going to be put in an embarrassing situation because of her careless attitude concerning dress and her free mixing with non-mahram men and speaking to them.
4. Food – she is not restricted in what she can eat; she may not eat pork in the home, but what will stop her from taking the children to McDonald’s and feeding them a McPork Rib Sandwich, or any other food product that is not halal?
5. She will want to celebrate her festivals in the home and although Islam puts the man in charge of his household, if he stops her from this practice much marital discord will ensue; if he, on the other hand, allows her to practice, then all sorts of corruption will enter their lives and he may even engage in forbidden things and allow her to display the symbols of kufr in his home, such as a Christmas Tree or a Menorah.
The greatest loss, which is often not realized until it is too late, is the effect of this type of marriage on the children. Before pursuing marriage to a non-Muslim woman, the Muslim must think about how it will affect the upbringing of his future lineage.
• A common reaction is “Well, I’ll just divorce her and take the children.” However, the states and governments of non-Muslim countries normally place custody of the children with the mother. As a result, the women in many of these cases succeed in bringing their children back to be raised in non-Islamic societies as non-Muslims. The fathers are referred to as kidnappers (of their own children) in the non-Islamic media . Unfortunately, even the governments in Muslim countries these days help non-Muslim wives to get custody of their children. This is due to the absence of an Islamic state which would protect Muslim children from being kidnapped by non-Muslim wives to be raised as non-Muslims.
• Another reaction is that “I will force her to accept Islam,” and this is definitely contrary to the Shari’ah. Allah says:
لاَ إِكْرَاهَ فِي الدِّينِ قَد تَّبَيَّنَ الرُّشْدُ مِنَ الْغَيِّ فَمَنْ يَكْفُرْ بِالطَّاغُوتِ وَيُؤْمِن بِاللّهِ فَقَدِ اسْتَمْسَكَ بِالْعُرْوَةِ الْوُثْقَىَ لاَ انفِصَامَ لَهَا وَاللّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ
“There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Taghoot (falsehood, false gods) and believes in Allah, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break. And Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower” (al-Baqarah 2:256)
Thus, it is not permissible for one to force his non-Muslim wife, or anyone else for that matter, to become Muslim. It is Allah who guides to Islam and opens ones heart to it and illuminates one’s insight. (Tafsir Ibn Kathir)
The best option under these circumstances is to introduce the woman to Islam and WAIT for her to accept Islam before getting married . Imposing any firm conditions of her accepting Islam before marriage will NOT do any good. Because, if a woman is willing to accept Islam merely to get married to a Muslim man that she likes, she will be most likely to leave Islam if the marriage ends up in a divorce or even if the marriage becomes unpleasant for her. It should be desirable that a woman accepts Islam solely for the reason that she likes Islam. Any forceful acceptance of Islam is not likely to be permanent or suitable for a happy marriage. Moreover, if the woman is not a Muslim by her own choice, then in case of divorce, she may leave Islam and be free to date and marry a non-Muslim. Her new family may ultimately decide how to raise the Muslim man’s children. This situation should never be acceptable to any Muslim man.
• Yet another reaction could be “I will force her to teach Islam to the children.” However, there is no law that can support this behaviour and if the wife were to complain about her husband’s “unreasonable demands,” the law will favour her position.
Once again, it becomes clear that there is no question that such marriages can lead to a great deal of harm for the Muslim and that this situation is more serious today with the weakness of most Muslim men in their knowledge and practice. Furthermore, as Shaykh Ibn Baz pointed out, “nowadays men are listening to and obeying their wives more and more. Hence, such a marriage could be dangerous for his religion, as well as for the religion of the children .” A man may become a kaafir, following his wife, and enter the Fire of Hell forever.
Forget about the people of kufr and beware of marrying them, for that will lead to a lot of evil. The children of such a marriage will not be guided; they will swell the ranks of evildoers.
Something else to think about is the creation of the home environment. If one is interested in establishing a home of peace and tranquility, what will it look like when both partners don’t share the same point of view regarding religion? And what if religion is mixed with politics (ex. Israeli wife/Palestinian husband)? Religious animosity will not produce the tranquility and love, which are the basic foundations of any marriage!
In considering marriage to a non-Muslim woman, a man should remember that marriage is more than a private marital relationship. The Prophet (saw) encouraged us to look for Muslim wives who are religiously committed. Even if a woman is Muslim but is not religiously committed and of good character, then the Muslim is not encouraged to marry her, because marriage is not simply the matter of physical enjoyment only, rather it is the matter of Allah’s rights and the spouse’s rights, and preserving his household, his honour and his wealth, and bringing up his children.
Hence even though it is permissible to marry a kitaabi woman, it is not encouraged nor is it advised, because of the negative consequences that result from that. How can a man who marries a kitaabi woman be absolutely certain that his sons and daughters will be raised according to Islam when he is leaving them in the hands of this mother who does not believe in Allah and associates others with Him?
A good Muslim woman would provide her husband with total security, comfort, trust, tranquility, and happiness and would raise the children as good Muslims. A man would not have to see his children taken to a church every Sunday or on Easter or Christmas – not being able to prevent it. Nor would he have to live with the concern that his wife would teach his children un-Islamic traditions. It is much easier to trust a Muslim woman than to trust a non-Muslim woman who is not conscious of any accountability to Allah. And certainly a woman who is not conscious of Allah or who has no concept of Taqwa , will not fear or obey her husband, who might spend long hours at his workplace.
The wise Muslim should choose the best woman to bear his children and think in the long term about his children and their religious upbringing. He should not let his desire or worldly interests or transient outward beauty blind him to reality; true beauty is the beauty of religious commitment and good morals.
Part I: What if I already have a “girlfriend?”
What if we’re not doing anything “wrong?”
We begin this section by reminding ourselves that the attitude and worldview of the Muslim is based on full submission to the rulings of Allah and His Messenger (saw), and total obedience to Allah, the Creator, the Provider, the Giver of life and death, because He has enjoined that upon us, and He knows best what is right for us.
As such, Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful, has revealed:
الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَّكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلُّ لَّهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ
• Lawful to you (in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the
Your answer is wrong. Amuslim man or a woman can marry a non muslim only if they first convert to ISLAM. Other wise it is bad and against ISLAM.
Continued…
Part I: What if I already have a “girlfriend?”
What if we’re not doing anything “wrong?”
We begin this section by reminding ourselves that the attitude and worldview of the Muslim is based on full submission to the rulings of Allah and His Messenger (saw), and total obedience to Allah, the Creator, the Provider, the Giver of life and death, because He has enjoined that upon us, and He knows best what is right for us.
As such, Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful, has revealed:
الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَّكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلُّ لَّهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ
• Lawful to you (in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends.” (al-Maa’idah 5:5)
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ
• Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their Mahr according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends. (Nisaa’ 4:25)
From the above mentioned verses, and all that was mentioned in Parts A & B of this article, it becomes crystal clear and without any sliver of doubt that it is absolutely forbidden (haraam) to take or to be either a boyfriend or a girlfriend. This applies to Muslims and non-Muslims alike.
We remind ourselves of the warning from the Prophet (saw) who said that whenever a man is alone with a non-mahram woman, then Shaytan is the third among them. (Tirmidhi, graded Sahih). Alone doesn’t always mean alone in a room – but even alone in a busy donut shop is “alone” if other family members or Muslims are absent.
Further, Allah has revealed the following verses to describe the extent of the general relationship between a Muslim and a non-Muslim:
لَا تَجِدُ قَوْمًا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ يُوَادُّونَ مَنْ حَادَّ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَوْ كَانُوا آبَاءهُمْ أَوْ أَبْنَاءهُمْ أَوْ إِخْوَانَهُمْ أَوْ عَشِيرَتَهُمْ أُوْلَئِكَ كَتَبَ فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ الْإِيمَانَ وَأَيَّدَهُم بِرُوحٍ مِّنْهُ وَيُدْخِلُهُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمْ وَرَضُوا عَنْهُ أُوْلَئِكَ حِزْبُ اللَّهِ أَلَا إِنَّ حِزْبَ اللَّهِ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ
• You will not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad), even though they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred (people). (Mujaadilah 58:22)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَتَّخِذُواْ بِطَانَةً مِّن دُونِكُمْ لاَ يَأْلُونَكُمْ خَبَالاً وَدُّواْ مَا عَنِتُّمْ قَدْ بَدَتِ الْبَغْضَاء مِنْ أَفْوَاهِهِمْ وَمَا تُخْفِي صُدُورُهُمْ أَكْبَرُ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ الآيَاتِ إِن كُنتُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ
• O you who believe! Take not as (your) Bitanah (advisors, consultants, protectors, helpers, friends, etc.) those outside your religion (pagans, Jews, Christians, and hypocrites) since they will not fail to do their best to corrupt you. (Ali Imran 3:118)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَتَّخِذُواْ الْكَافِرِينَ أَوْلِيَاء مِن دُونِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَتُرِيدُونَ أَن تَجْعَلُواْ لِلّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ سُلْطَانًا مُّبِينًا
• O you who believe! Take not for Auliya’ (protectors or helpers or friends) disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allah a manifest proof against yourselves? (An-Nisa 4:144)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَتَّخِذُواْ الْيَهُودَ وَالنَّصَارَى أَوْلِيَاء بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَاء بَعْضٍ وَمَن يَتَوَلَّهُم مِّنكُمْ فَإِنَّهُ مِنْهُمْ إِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الظَّالِمِينَ
• O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as Auliya’ (friends, protectors, helpers, etc.), they are but Auliya’ to one another. And if any amongst you takes them as Auliya’, then surely he is one of them. Verily, Allah guides not those people who are the Zalimun (those who oppress themselves and others). (Al-Ma’idah 5:51)
وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَاء بَعْضٍ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ الصَّلاَةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ الزَّكَاةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ اللّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ أُوْلَـئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ اللّهُ إِنَّ اللّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
• The believers, men and women, are Auliya’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin (on the people) Al-Ma’ruf (goodness), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (evil); they perform As-Salat and give the Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah will have His Mercy on them. Surely Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise. (At-Tawbah 9:71)
From the above mentioned verses, once again, it becomes crystal clear that not only is it forbidden to take boyfriends/girlfriends from the non-Muslims, but it is also absolutely forbidden to take a non-Muslim as ‘best friends forever’ (bff) or as close, bosom buddies or life long pals or as trustworthy allies, or as confidantes, or as life coaches or advisors, etc.
The interaction of the Muslim with the non-Muslim is subject to the following guidelines laid out by the Shari’ah:
1. It is permissible to speak with the non-Muslims about permissible matters
لَا يَنْهَاكُمُ اللَّهُ عَنِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَاتِلُوكُمْ فِي الدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَارِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوا إِلَيْهِمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ
• Allah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allah loves those who deal with equity. (al-Mumtahanah 60:8)
2. It is permissible to interact with the non-Muslim to buy, sell, lend and so on. It has been narrated in sahih reports that the Prophet (saw) borrowed a weapon from Safwaan ibn Umayyah, and that he bought food from the Jews.
3. It is not permissible to take the non-Musilms as close friends (awliya’). Taking them as close friends may happen in many ways, such as mixing with them, feeling comfortable with them, living with them, taking them as close friends, loving them, preferring them over the believers, and so on. Allah says:
لَا تَجِدُ قَوْمًا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ يُوَادُّونَ مَنْ حَادَّ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَوْ كَانُوا آبَاءهُمْ أَوْ أَبْنَاءهُمْ أَوْ إِخْوَانَهُمْ أَوْ عَشِيرَتَهُمْ أُوْلَئِكَ كَتَبَ فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ الْإِيمَانَ وَأَيَّدَهُم بِرُوحٍ مِّنْهُ وَيُدْخِلُهُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمْ وَرَضُوا عَنْهُ أُوْلَئِكَ حِزْبُ اللَّهِ أَلَا إِنَّ حِزْبَ اللَّهِ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ
• You (O Muhammad) will not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad), even though they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred (people) (-Mujaadilah 58:22)
أَلَمْ تَر إِلَى الَّذِينَ نَافَقُوا يَقُولُونَ لِإِخْوَانِهِمُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ لَئِنْ أُخْرِجْتُمْ لَنَخْرُجَنَّ مَعَكُمْ وَلَا نُطِيعُ فِيكُمْ أَحَدًا أَبَدًا وَإِن قُوتِلْتُمْ لَنَنصُرَنَّكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَشْهَدُ إِنَّهُمْ لَكَاذِبُونَ
• Have you (O Muhammad SAW) not observed the hypocrites who say to their friends among the people of the Scripture who disbelieve: “(By Allah) If you are expelled, we (too) indeed will go out with you, and we shall never obey any one against you, and if you are attacked (in fight), we shall indeed help you.” But Allah is Witness, that they verily, are liars. (Al-Hashr 59:11)
The one who has been involved with the non-Muslims to such an extent as taking them as close allies and/or girlfriends should right now be in an extreme state of guilt and remorse! These actions are extremely haraam and the one who does this will be held accountable before Allah!
Personal Advice for the One who has a Girlfriend
My dear brother in Islam – this is not an issue of whether or not you are practicing your religion. I am sure that, as you are reading this lengthy article, you are thinking to yourself, “I am not as hardcore as the person who wrote this article” or perhaps “Well, if I’m not a good Muslim then maybe I should leave Islam altogether.” BUT – this is not written as a judgement! Only Allah can judge. We are all at different levels of Islam and just because you might not be at a certain level, doesn’t make you are exempt from being Muslim, nor does it make you exempt from the laws of your Deen.
This is not a time for self pity, nor is it time to run away from thisproblem. Being Muslim is our very being, our very existence – we cannot run away from Islam, regardless of how close we are to Allah or not. We cannot run away from who we really are.
This is not the time to give into the whispers of the devils who wish to lead us astray. Rather, this is the time you MUST reach inside yourself and grab hold of your heart and your soul and steer yourself back to Sirat ul Mustakeem – The Straight Way.
You should realize and regret the actions you have done and immediately give them up – you must divorce yourself from this situation and immediately make Tauba:
1. Regret involvement in this sinful action
2. Resolve to end this illicit relationship
3. Vow to never return to the girlfriend
4. Pray a great deal for forgiveness
5. Begin doing righteous deeds.
You MUST know for certain – without any doubt whatsoever – that when you leave off something for Allah, He will replace it with something better!
As well, you should make plentiful du’a asking Allah to compensate you with someone better than her. You should realize that if you forsake this illicit relation the sake of that which is better for your religious commitment and that of your children, Allah will compensate you with something better, because “Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than that ,” as the Prophet (saw) told us.
We advise you – once again – to leave this woman and to pray to Allah to guide your heart to that which is in the best interests of your life – in this world and the next. So long as you give her up for the sake of Allah, then you should be certain that Allah will replace her for you with someone better.
My dear brother, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of sin, and it cannot be lifted except by repentance. Despite all the hardship you are facing and the intense pain you are feeling after having read this, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the Shar’i ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened. Allah revealed: “Whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself.” (Nisa’ 4:79)
Some may claim that Allah has led you to one another. If you mean that this has happened by the will and decree of Allah, then this is correct. Even Iblees exists by the will and decree of Allah. But if you meant that Allah decreed this because He likes it and approves of it, this is wrong, because Allah does not approve of anything that is haraam. Just because something happens does not mean that Allah likes it or approves of it. Allah decrees good and evil for reasons which only He knows.
What has happened is a mistake of which you are going to bear the bitter consequences, but you have to be sincere towards Allah and strive to repent and turn back to Him. If this girl is not destined to be your lot in life, then we ask Allah to compensate you with someone better than her.
قَالُواْ أَإِنَّكَ لَأَنتَ يُوسُفُ قَالَ أَنَاْ يُوسُفُ وَهَـذَا أَخِي قَدْ مَنَّ اللّهُ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّهُ مَن يَتَّقِ وَيِصْبِرْ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يُضِيعُ أَجْرَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
“Verily, he who fears Allah with obedience to Him, and is patient, then surely, Allah makes not the reward of the muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost.” (Yusuf 12:90)
It is unfortunate that Muslims keep coming up with false justification for wrong deeds and the Shaytaan encourages them to do that and makes people’s deeds appear attractive to them. The accursed one (the Shaytaan) tempts the one who seeks beauty and makes a particular woman seem beautiful to him until he is trapped. And then he thinks that this relationship is something natural and normal, in which two human souls come together and feel at ease with one another and satisfy their physical inclinations; he does things for her and she does things for him in return, and he speaks softly to her and she speak softly to him, and they may exchange gifts and other things. Little do they reflect upon the following warning:
فَلَوْلا إِذْ جَاءهُمْ بَأْسُنَا تَضَرَّعُواْ وَلَـكِن قَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ وَزَيَّنَ لَهُمُ الشَّيْطَانُ مَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ
• And Shaytaan (Satan) made fair¬-seeming to them that which they used to do. (Al-An’am 6:43)
وَعَادًا وَثَمُودَ وَقَد تَّبَيَّنَ لَكُم مِّن مَّسَاكِنِهِمْ وَزَيَّنَ لَهُمُ الشَّيْطَانُ أَعْمَالَهُمْ فَصَدَّهُمْ عَنِ السَّبِيلِ وَكَانُوا مُسْتَبْصِرِينَ
• Shaytaan (Satan) made their deeds fair-seeming to them, and turned them away from the (Right) Path, though they were intelligent. (Al-‘Ankabut 29:38)
It is rather disheartening that this needs to be written. Does the Muslim really need to be told that a mere meeting between a man and a non-mahram woman is an evil action of which Allah and His Messenger do not approve, because it involves being alone with a member of the opposite sex, which is haraam and entering upon women and looking at them are also haraam.
We again remind ourselves that the Prophet (saw) very clearly told us that being in the company of a non-mahram woman invites the presence of the Shayateen! (Tirmidhi)
What’s worse is that a person engaged in such evil has ignored the doors which the laws of Allah have opened for these needs to be met and has entered the houses from the back (i.e. engaged in an illicit relationship with a non-mahram woman without his/her family’s knowledge). Allah says:
وَلَيْسَ الْبِرُّ بِأَنْ تَأْتُوْاْ الْبُيُوتَ مِن ظُهُورِهَا
It is not Al Birr (piety, righteousness) that you enter the houses from the back. (Baqarah 2:189)
One might claim that his girlfriend is, in essence, ‘a good person’ and that he too is a ‘good person.’ However, being a ‘good person’ does not satisfy the conditions mentioned earlier. Also, Muslims must realize that Allah wants the best for His slaves.
An example to show that it is forbidden to have girlfriends or to marry them is the story of Marthad ibn Abi Marthad, who used to smuggle Muslim prisoners-of-war from Makkah to Madeenah. There was a prostitute in Makkah, called ‘Anaaq, who had been a friend of Marthad’s. Marthad had promised to take one of the prisoners from Makkah to Madeenah. He said: “I came to the shade of one of the gardens of Makkah on a moonlit night, then ‘Anaaq came and saw my shadow by the garden. When she reached me, she recognized me and said: ‘Marthad?’ I said, ‘Marthad.’ She said: ‘Welcome! Stay with us tonight.’ I said, ‘O ‘Anaaq, Allah has forbidden loose, immoral actions.’ I came to the Messenger of Allah (saw) and asked him, ‘O Messenger of Allah, should I marry ‘Anaaq?’ The Messenger of Allah (saw) remained silent and did not answer me at all, until the ayat was revealed:
“The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” (An-Nur 24:3) (Reported by Tirmidhi, graded hasan ghareeb).
Having said all of this, we remember the advice of Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah who said “The people of the Sunnah, know what is right and what is wrong, but at the same time they are compassionate towards people.”
If the one reading this article is involved in an illicit relationship, we encourage you to realize that Allah has caused for you to receive this article and He has given you the ability to read it and understand it; hence, you can consider this as a gift and a warning from your Creator, your Judge, your Guide – so that you
وَلَـكِنَّ الْبِرَّ مَنِ اتَّقَى وَأْتُواْ الْبُيُوتَ مِنْ أَبْوَابِهَا وَاتَّقُواْ اللّهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
“Enter houses through their proper doors, and be conscious of Allah so that you may be successful.” (Baqarah 2:189)
We advise you to marry this girl with whom you are in love, after praying istikhaarah and asking Allah for guidance and after she, willingly, accepts Islam. Pray to Allah and beseech Him to guide her and to help you both to do that which Allah loves and is pleased with. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.” (Ibn Majah, graded Sahih)
Be wary, however, of the method by which to proceed. It has already been stated that communication to a non-mahram woman is illegal and correspondence between non-mahram men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so it must be avoided, even though the person may claim that the correspondence is free from immorality and love. As such, you must send a proposal in a halal manner (i.e. via your mother or sister). There should be no further communication, unless it is sanctioned by both families and conversations focus on marriage negotiations and that these meetings are public.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: If Allah has decreed that you should get married after that, this is good, Insha’Allah. If He has not decreed that then this is also good, Insha’Allah. You should note that Allah sees and knows all that you do.
يَعْلَمُ خَائِنَةَ الْأَعْيُنِ وَمَا تُخْفِي الصُّدُورُ
“Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal.” (Ghaafir 40:19)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَتَّبِعُوا خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ وَمَن يَتَّبِعْ خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ فَإِنَّهُ يَأْمُرُ بِالْفَحْشَاء وَالْمُنكَرِ وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ مَا زَكَا مِنكُم مِّنْ أَحَدٍ أَبَدًا وَلَكِنَّ اللَّهَ يُزَكِّي مَن يَشَاء وَاللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha’ (i.e. to commit indecency), and Al-Munkar (evil). And had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower” (Noor 24:21)
وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ وَاللّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ
“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (Baqarah 2:216)
Part J: Conclusion
In summary, the following has become crystal clear:
o A Muslim woman can NOT marry anyone other than a Muslim man
o A Muslim man can NOT marry anyone other than a Muslim woman
o Under very specific conditions can the Muslim man marry a kitaabi woman and, briefly:
• He must be living in Dar us-Salaam (which does not exist in today’s world)
• He must be at his wits end and fearing falling into sin
• There must be a shortage of Muslim women
However, there is much more to contemplate – as Muslims we must recognize and remember that our goal in this life, ultimately, is to gather enough “thawab” to earn our place in the Promised Paradise. Our spouse is the one whom we choose to help us along that pathway and, as such, our spouse must be someone who also strives and yearns for the same destination.
This can only really occur when our spouse espouses the same belief and acts upon the correct methodology. One should reflect upon the following:
o Who is more likely to remind their husband of prayer and fasting – the Muslim wife or non-Muslim wife?
o Even to fulfill the rites of hajj, the non-Muslim wife would not be able to assist or accompany her husband.
o What about political topics? Who is more likely to commiserate and pray with her husband when Muslims are oppressed – a Muslim wife or a non-Muslim wife?
o Who would really support the husband during Ramadan, waking up every morning for Suhoor and preparing special foods for Iftaar? Who would accompany their husband to the masjid for Tarawih? And who would celebrate Eid with real spirit – a Muslim wife or a non-Muslim wife?
o Who would raise the children with the etiquettes of Islam? Who will teach the children how to respect women? Who will even know the great status of women in Islam – a Muslim wife or a non-Muslim wife?
o Who will truly understand and value the position of parents and the duty of upholding the ties of kith and kin within Islam – a Muslim wife or a non-Muslim wife?
o Who will understand and abide by the rights of the husband and protect the relationship from adultery? Only the Muslim wife!
o Whose parents will teach the children about Islam? Only the Muslim wife!
o Who will encourage the husband to give zakat and sadaqah, regularly? Only the Muslim wife!
o Who will be able to intercede on behalf of her husband on the Day of Resurrection? Only the Muslim wife!
o Who will accompany her husband into the home of Paradise? Only the Muslim wife !
Is it worth it? Of course not. It is not worth a lifetime of misery and regret. It is not worth the loneliness in this life, in the grave and in the hereafter. It is not worth a lifetime of living with an empty, unfulfilled heart. It is not worth the destruction to one’s familial lineage. It is not worth the ensuing alienation from one’s family and friends. It is not worth the many risks mentioned throughout.
In the end, we are Muslim – this is what defines every fiber of our being. Without Islam the relationship is barren – there is no depth and no true connection between the souls. There is very little to share with a non-Muslim wife and the social and emotional needs of the husband will never be met…how sad a life that would be.
The choice is clear…do the right thing.
Appendix A
Those who claim it is haraam for a Muslim male to marry a non-Muslim female
The Imamiyah (Shia) deemed it Haraam using as evidence the statement of The Most High:
وَلاَ تَنكِحُواْ الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلاَ تُنكِحُواْ الْمُشِرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُواْ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللّهُ يَدْعُوَ إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ
“And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.” (Baqarah 2:221)
They claim that this verse includes the Christians and the Jews. Our evidence is based upon Ijmaa’ (consensus) of the Sahabah, supported with the following verse:
الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَّكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلُّ لَّهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ وَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِالإِيمَانِ فَقَدْ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ وَهُوَ فِي الآخِرَةِ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ
“Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibat (all kinds of Halâl (lawful) foods, which Allâh has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, etc., milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits, etc.). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals, etc.) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allah and in all the other Articles of Faith (i.e. His (Allah’s), Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)), then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.” (Maidah 5:5)
Regarding the apparent Ikhtilaaf (disagreement) between these two verses:
1. It has been reported from Ibn ‘Abbas (ra) that this verse has been abrogated by the verse in Surat al-Ma-idah. This is also consistent with the other verse (that they use for evidence) since both verses preceded (al-Ma-idah). The verse in Surat al-Ma-idah came after them.
2. For those who claim that the verses were not abrogated, we say the word ‘Al-Mushrikat’ does not included Ahlul Kitaab, evident in the following verses:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ لَمْ يَكُنِ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِنْأَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ وَالْمُشْرِكِينَ مُنفَكِّينَ حَتَّى تَأْتِيَهُمُ الْبَيِّنَةُ
• “Those who disbelieve from among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) and among Al-Mushrikun, were not going to leave (their disbelief) until there came to them clear evidence.” Al-Bayinah 98:1
إِنَّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِوَالْمُشْرِكِينَ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا أُوْلَئِكَ هُمْ شَرُّالْبَرِيَّةِ
• And He said:“Verily, those who disbelieve (in the religion of Islâm, the Qur’ân and Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)) from among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) and Al-Mushrikûn will abide in the Fire of Hell. They are the worst of creatures.” Al-Bayinah 98:6
لَتَجِدَنَّ أَشَدَّ النَّاسِ عَدَاوَةً لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ الْيَهُودَ وَالَّذِينَ أَشْرَكُواْ وَلَتَجِدَنَّ أَقْرَبَهُمْ مَّوَدَّةً لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ الَّذِينَ قَالُوَاْ إِنَّا نَصَارَى ذَلِكَ بِأَنَّ مِنْهُمْ قِسِّيسِينَ وَرُهْبَانًا وَأَنَّهُمْ لاَ يَسْتَكْبِرُونَ
• And He said:“Verily, you will find the strongest among men in enmity to the believers (Muslims), the Jews and those who are Al-Mushrikûn…” (al-Ma-idah 5:82)
مَّا يَوَدُّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ وَلاَ الْمُشْرِكِينَ أَن يُنَزَّلَ عَلَيْكُم مِّنْ خَيْرٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَاللّهُ يَخْتَصُّ بِرَحْمَتِهِ مَن يَشَاء وَاللّهُ ذُو الْفَضْلِ الْعَظِيمِ
• And He said:“Neither those who disbelieve among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) nor Al-Mushrikûn (the disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh, idolaters, polytheists, pagans, etc.) like that there should be sent down unto you any good from your Lord. But Allâh chooses for His Mercy whom He wills. And Allâh is the Owner of Great Bounty.” (Al-Baqarah 2:105)
These verses and others like them in the Quran indicate that the term “Mushrikeen/Mushrikat” is used in isolation not encompassing Ahlul Kitaab. This understanding has been reported from Sa‘eed bin Jubayr and Qatadah.
As well, that which they use for evidence is a general statement, while our evidence is of a specifying nature indicating the permissibility of (marrying from) Ahlul Kitaab. (It is well known) that al-Khaas (specific) is to be given precedence.
And it is preferred that one does not marry from the women of Ahlul Kitaab.
‘Umar (ra) said to those who were married to women from Ahlul Kitaab: “Divorce them (your wives who are from Ahlul Kitaab).” All of them divorced them except Hudhaifah. ‘Umar advised him to divorce her. Hudhaifah replied, “Do you testify that she is prohibited (Haraam for me to be married to her)? ‘Umar responded, “She is a Jamraah (hot coal). Divorce her.” Hudhaifah again replied, “Do you testify that she is prohibited (Haraam for me to be married to her)? ‘Umar responded, “She is a Jamraah (hot coal).”
Hudhaifah said, “I know she is a Jamraah but she is Halaal (for me as a wife).
Eventually Hudhaifah did divorce her. They asked him why he did not divorce her when advised by ‘Umar? He responded, “I hated to have the people perceive me doing a deed that was not by my choosing.”
Fasl – (Who are deemed Ahlul Kitaab?)
Ahlul Kitaab, whom these regulations are valid for, are the Ahlul (People of) Taurah (Torah) and al-Injeel (The Gospel).
Allah The Most High says:“Lest you (pagan Arabs) should say: “The Book was only sent down to two sects before us (the Jews and the Christians), and for our part, we were in fact unaware of what they studied.” Al-An‘aam 6:156
As such we state that they (Ahlul Kitaab) are Ahlul Torah – Jews and Samarites, and Ahlul Injeel (Gospel) – Christians and who ever is upon the tenets of their faith.
End Quote Volume 9 Pg. 547 of Al-Mughni of Ibn Qudaamah.
You will find that what is quoted above is also found verbatim (to a large extent) in Kitaab al-Majmoo‘ of al-Imaam an-Nawawi (Vol. 17/ Pgs. 338-341).
Other valuable references to show that all the Four Madhahab are in agreement on the validity of marrying from the women of the book turn to:
Hanafi: Sharh Fath ul Qadeer by Ibn Al-Hamaam(Vol. 3/228), Badaai‘ as-Sanaai‘ of al-Kasa-ani (Vol 2 / 270.
Maliki: Bidaayit al-Mujtahid of al-Qurtubi (Vol. 2/ 44), al-Kaafi by Ibn ‘Abdul Bar (Vol. 2/543)
Shafi’i: Kitaab al-Majmoo‘ of al-Imaam an-Nawawi (Vol. 17/ Pgs. 338-341
Hanbali: What has been translated
References
Text
Tuhfat al Arous by Mahmoud M Al Istambulli
Muhammad Jibaly Marriage Series
The Fiqh of Marriage in the Light of the Quran and Sunnah by Sh. Sadlan
Fatawa Islamiyya by Sh. Abdul Aziz bin Baaz, Muhammad Saliah Uthaymeen, and many others.
Maulana Muhammad Yousuf Ludhianvi – fatwa recorded in the Jang newspaper
URLs
End of references…
URLs
The scholars should know better but unfortunately do not. The Quran says believers are forbidden from marrying idol worshipers. Therefore you can only marry a Christian who does not believe Jesus is divine – this goes for both men and women. Also, an adulterer (sex outside marriage) is forbidden for the men and women.They also have to be righteous and believe in the Hereafter for this is the minimum requirement for salvation.
I don’t understand the double standard placed upon men and women. Why cannot a woman marry a non muslim if he converts?
If he converts he not a non believer anymore, my neighbor: man converted from hinduism and woman is muslim. She converted him because they studied from grade 1 to university. Once. He converted she married him
to farrukh, if a non-muslim converts, he becomes a muslim and isn’t a non-muslim anymore. That means it is permissible to marry him. (vice versa if a girl converts)
I dont agree with sr. Serena when she said that scholars should know better, we should know better not to critisize scholars because they are the people of Ilm and they know what we dont know
I came across the following. It refutes the popular opinion and provides a reason to reconsider or at least think about what we believe to be true.
IMAM KHALEEL MOHAMMED’S DEFENSE OF INTER-FAITH MARRIAGE
(Note: This defense uses the example of a Muslim woman marrying a Chris
I am a relatively new revert to Islam and have had a very difficult time finding any serious, pious man for marriage? Most are more interested in following culture than religion, and think that because I’m new to Islam, I’m new to God? A very presumptuous inference to their lack of knowledge concerning Christians.
So where this leaves me I don’t know? Looking for a Muslim husband that doesn’t truly obey Allah, or finding a Christian husband that lives right? Great options?
@Revert
There are practicing men who don’t care about culture
Let me say that for those who are not practcing Islam in their daily life it does not matter who they marry. Only thing is that when these couples have children they are torn apart to where do they belong. Most of the time these children turn out to be Christian because that religion has less restrictions and usally the Christran party is more stronger in their faith then our muslim spouse. So unfourtunly not only we lose one generation to hell but the next generation is also lost. I want to ask those who say marry the people of “THE BOOK” have they seen the result of these marriages? We are also responsible for our children to raise them as good muslim do you think in mix marriages this is possible? do not say yes because 1 out of 10 does not count.
I completely agree with Atharul. We must respect our scholars. And if you cannot do that then ask Allah to guide you.
I really hope someone can help me with this question. I have asked it of so many ppl, but i think it might be impossible to answer, as nobody gives me any response. I want to revert, but I am married already, to a Christian man. I don’t want to divorce, and I don’t believe that Allah would want a divorce of a stable, successful marriage for this reason, but I don’t know!!!! Can anyone help me????
@Revert. I totally understand your dilemma. I’ve found the cultural vs religious Islam issue a big problem too. But it’s the same in Christianity and other religions. Keep at it, you’ll find the right person. What about going to your local mosque and finding out if they have an introduction service? Or, have you tried muslimah.com????
@ Sister Samira:
There’s a Fatwa that differentiates between Muslim women that are married to a Christian and a New Muslim that’s married to a Christian. They state, that’s a lesser of both evils, so it would not be a deterrent for you to accept Islam. However, you should have patients and make duaa for him to embrace Islam by leading by example and giving him Da’wah in the best way.
Wallahu Alam,