5 Intimacy Revival Tactics – Words of Affirmation (Part 1 of 5)
If you’ve been married for a few years, you may have found that you’ve been playing escape and evade with your intimate life. You may have gotten caught up in the constant foraging to provide for your children’s needs, and that initial laser focus has strayed away from your husband. Even if you started out your marriage on point, you’ve probably found that now your marriage needs some major recon.
Many marriages can fall into the red zone simply because one or both spouses express love in the way they want to be loved, rather than expressing love in the way that their partner wants to feel loved. Learning and speaking your spouse’s primary love language is going to give you back the tactical advantage in your marriage. These are based on The Five Love Languages, made popular by author Gary Chapman.
I’m going to arm you with the tools you need to identify and express your love in alignment with your spouse’s love strategy. First, you must fill out this questionnaire with your spouse to scout each other’s primary and secondary love language. Once you’ve tracked them down, start firing off your spouse’s love language using the following strategies. Remember all of these strategies can be used by your husband for you as well.
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Nothing says “I love you” quite like the words themselves. If your spouse’s primary love language is words of affirmation, shower him with words of appreciation, compliments, kind words or simply saying “I love you”, “I want you”, “I need you”, “I appreciate you” many times in the day. It’s never too much if that’s his language, and in this case actions do not always speak louder than words. Send him love texts, leave little love notes in his pockets or lunchbox, write him a love letter or poetry, or give him a card.
In the bedroom, give him these words of affirmation, especially if he is doing something you like, because he will love this and try to please you more. E.g. “I love it when you do that”, “It feels so good when you do that to me”, “Wow, you’re really good at that.” Also, remember that foreplay starts during the day, so sending some spicy texts can help prepare you for intimate play.
Create a jar of hearts and fill them up with love notes. You can spend a few days writing little messages on heart-shaped post-its: “100 reasons why I love you” or if you’re extra keen, spend a couple of weeks writing “1000 reasons why I love you”. Whenever your husband feels like he needs a dose of love, he can pick out a heart and let it sink in.
In the bedroom, you can create a jar that has notes with different messages about what you enjoy doing to your husband and what you enjoy him doing to you. You can have two jars: a “Sugar” jar, with mild, sweet messages and a “Spice” jar with hot, spicy messages. These jars can also help you both get in the mood for intimacy and sexual play. But remember to keep them under lock and key if you have children.
