Love Marriage or an Arranged Marriage?
The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.
If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)
Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:
The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”
But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)
But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.
And Allaah knows best.
Source: IslamQA.com
Arranged marriage here: 11 years ago. My uncle’s daughter. My mothers choice – not mine. After first agreing to it I, the night before my parents asked for her hand, changed my mind. I did not like her. Not my choice. My mother went against my whishes and asked for her hand anyway as she was the last girl left from her side of the family and she did not want to loose the chance. I was virgin at that time and I was an active Muslim in the mosque.
12 years has passed sinse that day I was traped into this marriage. I am today addicted to porn, i have sex with many other women outside my marriage and I have almost altigether given up on religion.
This is not an ideal situation and I am working hard to change my life.
If I coule have reveresed time then I would still have gone for an arranged marriage BUT one where I make the choise TOGETHER with my parents.
There is no such thing as ‘Love Marriage’ in Islam. Yes ‘Love after marriage’ would be the correct term.
Assalam Aleykum,can you please be sending me these educative mails on my email address?thank you
love can start before marriage as long as it is pure and does not only invove infactuation.
I love a guy and im basically from a muslim family. Were completely different from each other. Hes indian and im not and i always pray to Allah that He grant my prayers and make him made for me.
In here somthing was mentioned about a relationship before marriage being unstable? That does not always come true!!
Doubts??? When you’re in a relationship with someone you love a lot, the first step in a relationship is Trust and its always important to know about your guys truth and his past . In here there was somthing written about doubts?? Thats not true.
My relationship on the other hand involves Islam too.
The plus points in my relationship is that We always give Salam to each other whenever we talk
He was a non religious person..but i managed to make him pray 5 times everyday mashallah!!
He had problems waking up for Fajr prayers, so i used to keep my alarm and i get up early and give him a call so that he gets up.
He was a 3 years smoker and sheesha smoker, i stopped him from that with my tears and words.
He has always been loyal, trustworthy and faithful to me and is very protective and concerned about me.
I too am the same about him.
He even treats me like his wife.
He tells me never to remove my hijab and that i look beautiful with it.
He is a completely different person and I always pray to Allah to make him my husband for the future and that my family accepts him and that our relationship remains intact forever.
Do anyone of you still think that this relationship is going to end up being unstable???
@ Me My Self
Brother dont dispair of Allah’s mercy. You have to be strong and ask for sincere forgiveness never to go back to it again. When you do these acts ask yourself would you do these filthy acts infront of your children, wife, mother, father or even friends? Obviously you would say no! Then how can you do this infront of Allah.
We all make mistakes…. Allah loves those who make mistakes and ask him for forgiveness. Return back to Allah and you will find peace and tranquility in your life. And one more thing… what your mother did is not right but do not make things difficult for your wife as she probably had nothing to do with it. So be just with her and be a husband that a wife would like to have.
Also PORN is a sick evil and make a commitment not to watch it period or even go near it.
Allah knows best.
@ Nabila – I admire your courage to be able to change a man for his betterment. Also the more you get to know a person the more stable your decision if the friendship is pure and harmless and doesnt involve intimate adultery but is a simple gesture of affection exchanged between a romantic couple I think its adaptable to understand and also helps to give up the person if the marriage doesnt work in the end. Wishing you best of luck in selecting your partner for his value.