3 Foundational things to look for during your engagement
Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with is one of the most important decisions of you will face in this lifetime. We all have heard it from our friends and family about the neighbor who rushed into a relationship and it didn’t workout. There was no “naseeb”. Sometimes, peoples minds and hearts are telling them two different things; their heart is telling them that they need someone in their life, and their brain is telling them to take it nice and slow.
In it for the long haul
When you meet someone you are interested in, there are a lot of things you want to know from the get-go, and one of them should be what their intentions are, and whether they are in this relationship for the long-term. Many of our youth these days are rushing into marriages for all the wrong reasons. So getting to know each other is really important and knowing that their heart is in the right place and that they are ready for a long-term commitment. Getting engaged to someone is not a joking matter, and should not be taken lightly.
It is best to lay out every detail such as your future living arrangements, family ties and other factors which may have an effect on your engagement beforehand so that you are rest assured everything important is taken care of.
Trust
There is no doubt that trust is a crucial element for any marriage. It is the very foundation successful relationships are built upon. Be trustworthy and reliable, and do not give your spouse a reason to doubt that trust. Establishing trust can be done several ways by being polite, honest, be there for each other when needed and last but not the least be reliable.
Know your differences
Every individual is unique, and each person has his/her own preferences, likes, dislikes, behaviors and attributes. Knowing your own is good but knowing your partners is just as important as you will then know not only what common things are between you two but also what make you different.
Respecting each other’s differences is very important; it signifies that you’re also connecting on a personal level. Respect keeps things realistic as neither of you will try to change another to fit into their own way of life. You must honor your partner’s perspectives even if that sometimes is not aligned with your own.
Ma sha Allah! Tips given above are useful but mostly after getting married. The second and third points can probably be considered and observed only when you start living with the person and not during the engagement, especially in our eastern muslim culture where in some societies, would-be spouse interact and communicate in person after nikkah. May Allah Ta’ala bless all the singles with pious and righteous spouses, Ameen!