A consistent plan for children

Whenever you will speak to any expert or person who has any experience regarding parenting you will hear this over and over again; consistency or being consistent.

A few pointers below that will hopefully help all of us in achieving this consistency.

1.  Having a Plan

Make plans before you have any kids or when your kids are very young on how you will deal with situations. As new situations come up you can also discuss them in advance or after the first incidence to come up with a solution together on how you will deal with the issues together as parents and not individuals. Many parents are surprised that when they actually plan how they will deal with an issue they can easily handle the same stressful situations quite calmly. The key is to be proactive and not reactive.

If you have children already then it’s never too late to implement this strategy as you will see that your children will realize very soon that they cannot manipulate you as parents anymore.

2. Battles worth Fighting

Don’t battle all the time with your children instead only fight  the battles that have rules in place, if the rules are broken then you must enforce them. If you find that you have too many rules then you need to reduce them to the most critical list of things that you will definitely carry out the consequence you have put in place.

For example if you tell your kids that they cannot watch TV after 7 pm and if they do so they will have to face a consequence which you have decided. So if you see them at 8 pm watching TV you must give them that prescribed consequence, but if you are hesitant then this rule is not that important to you in the first place so remove it from your battle list. So grade the issues yourself first and then choose your battles and the rest of them you relax.

3. United we Stand

Whatever you do don’t disagree with each other in front of your children at times when one of the parents is dealing with the child. If you disagree with how your partner is dealing with the situation talk to them later in private and again go back to point 1 to figure out how you would deal with this issue. If you don’t do this the child will go back and forth and find one who will agree with what the child wants and that is not healthy for anyone involved.

4. Learn from each other

Sometimes cases arise within parents where they just can’t agree on how they should deal with their children. They can’t even agree on fundamental issues regarding parenting and how they will raise their children.  In this case have a plan in place on how you will disagree with each other on these issues and do it in private. When you discuss these issues don’t be afraid to listen and learn from each other. No one is right or wrong but its rather what is best for you as a family and both of you care just as equally so don’t discredit anyone’s points.

5. Never too Late

If you keep doing what you are doing now you will keep getting the same results. Your stress is just going to increase as your kids get older. If you want to make change then you must change yourself and work towards your goal of becoming more consistent as parents.

Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team